00:06.95
danmetiv
You're tuned in to positively terrible I producer Dan and each week my buddy Scott and I discuss surviving and thriving after trauma. It's a journey that started when Scott,his wife's fiance and her boyfriend walked into a bar this week's decent human being is Zira she's got a fucked up story about sexual assault settle in my terrible listeners today's episode is going to be positively terrible. Hey Scott.

00:39.25
Terrible Scott
Dan how you doing ah terrible I've disclosed I've got covered and in 2023 covered does not feel any better than covid did in 2022 or 2021 so

00:40.33
danmetiv
And I'm doing all right today. How are you sorry to hear it bud.

00:52.10
danmetiv
Is it slightly less scary this time.

00:56.90
Terrible Scott
Well, it's it's gets less scary every time but scraping myself off the couch for this. Ah well it it I can say it was something I didn't want to do I absolutely did want to do it. We've got Zira here today and how could I not want to get up for this one. How how are you? zara.

01:11.23
Zaira Armendariz
I'm doing very well hope not as terrible as you but now thank you for having me guys.

01:16.39
Terrible Scott
Well yeah, for sure and real quick if I'm going to ask you? Ah what you're here for just just give us like a quick teaser before I go into some of the housekeeping stuff.

01:25.12
Zaira Armendariz
Yeah, so okay, long story. Sure will be blunt when I'm 26 when I was 18 I was raped twice three months apart from 2 different men and you know having to navigate that and feeling ostracized and alone was fucking terrible. But you know here we are now and so thank you for giving me the space and platform to talk about stuff that needs to be talked about.

01:45.30
Terrible Scott
Yeah, yeah for sure without a doubt and I'm I am just going to say that I I always feel a little uncomfortable with the way I start and being like well we're excited or we're you know these are fucked up stories and I don't want it to come off.

01:57.44
Zaira Armendariz
Ah.

02:02.46
Terrible Scott
Ah, in any way but to acknowledge that they're fucked up stories but we're all here because we've gone through it. We've survived and we've come out stronger on the other side. So really quickly and my my ah housekeeping stuff is the same every week and if you guys would just get these tattoos. And so and follow us on our social media I wouldn't have to do them every week but see see I I I've got I've got 3 or 4 legitimately. So zara where we're doing a thing I'm paying for up to 5 people.

02:22.55
danmetiv
If we get 25 people to sign my petition to not get a tattoo Scott will stop talking about it every week

02:38.30
Terrible Scott
To get a decent fucking human tattoo either decent fucking human or dfh if you don't want swears on your bodies I've given that offer out a bunch I've got I've got about 5 people who swear they're going to do it but nobody's pulled the trigger yet so you can cut them in line if you want Zyro or or you can find. Recommend any of your friends and if they want to do it I think there are so many shitty human beings out there that we we need to identify ourselves. Let the world know. Um, so yeah, if if if you're interested, we'll we'll do that for you there we go.

03:11.67
Zaira Armendariz
Okay, you know what I got tattoos I've been having a inkling of wanting another one So you know what? Ah we'll have to talk about this after then because ah.

03:17.67
Terrible Scott
Yeah, that that is such a definite. Yes I mean for anyone who didn't recognize that that was not blowing us off to talk about or to just never talk about it again. I'm sure of that.

03:17.80
danmetiv
The.

03:30.00
Terrible Scott
Um, but all right? So the tattoos remember Dan still says I'm not going to get a single person. So let's get it up to 5 people and then of course our social media instagram Facebook follow us. Ah at um, at positively terrible. And then forgive me today as I struggle through some of this again I'm going to blame the covered for this week's episode. Ah for my performance Ira and den are going to do an amazing job. So ah, back to you so zara um, first I will throw out there that. You and I met ah recently online through ah podcasts guest exchange stuff and you know you're looking for people and me ah us we wow I am struggling to talk Dan and I looking for people to be on ours and so before we get into anything. We'll just say let people know.

04:17.52
Zaira Armendariz
Um, and doing great.

04:23.92
Terrible Scott
Ah, and then we'll talk about it later at the end that zara is host of her own podcast called complex like wine. Um, but we'll get to that in a bit so zara you said that that you were sexually assaulted twice in in three months

04:32.45
danmetiv
Um, that's a good name.

04:38.40
Zaira Armendariz
Yeah, so you know I you know when you hear from a friend a family member someone that you know they they share with you like okay I've I've been sexually assaulted molested raped. Whatever word they use. That's hard to hear. But.

04:54.27
Terrible Scott
Who.

04:57.59
Zaira Armendariz
It has definitely been very hard for me to process and for my family to process that I underwent that twice three months apart with different totally different circumstances and I think like some of the biggest things I definitely want to share is.

05:09.49
Terrible Scott
Oh.

05:15.92
Zaira Armendariz
The way I mentally processed it was out of survival and that's why I'm I'm more than happy to come here and share my story because I wish somebody had shared this type of story with me when I was 18

05:18.78
Terrible Scott
Yeah.

05:32.50
Zaira Armendariz
And you know I'm hoping that whoever listens out there that they maybe can get something out of it or maybe even if they want to reach out to me. Go find a therapist or find somebody. That's healthy for them to the show that they feel courageous enough that they can do that.

05:48.63
Terrible Scott
Yeah, for sure. Thank you I'm I'm glad you're here to do that and clearly that's something that we believe in pretty strongly here that you know we're a community of decent fucking humans get the tattoo. Ah and. You know, talking and processing and finding therapy and that that's what we're all about. So i. Thank you so much for willing to be to be here and share. So um, can you tell us just a little bit about Zayov is as a teenager then.

06:17.82
Zaira Armendariz
Yeah, yeah, so I grew up in Southern California I you know I went to private christian school so that was kind of like the the environment of my high schools for people. You know if they're here but context um I grew up.

06:27.74
Terrible Scott

06:34.69
Zaira Armendariz
And a pretty rough household you know I Love my dad. He's fantastic mom and dad to me I grewpp up with a pretty toxic abusive mother and so there was already all of that that kind of place into you know, struggling with really bad anxiety depression. Self-harming you know I was suicidal I have tried attempting in high school. You know, Thankfully my dad always was there to make sure nothing went down but that's kind of like the context of people at school. They would not have known for the most part I've always been very.

06:54.62
Terrible Scott
Okay, well.

07:09.54
Zaira Armendariz
Welcoming Kind you know I think a lot of people always describe me as just a very nice person just anyone could always come up to me have always been the ears for my friends. Whatever the issues was and so I definitely had a mask on when I was at school or just with people outside the house I definitely.

07:13.39
Terrible Scott
Move.

07:28.99
Zaira Armendariz
Bottled up a lot of emotions and I think because I couldn't really process the way I was feeling in a healthy way I not that I'm blaming myself that what happened to me happened to me. But I think I wish I knew. Better ways to be aware of red flags in people like I definitely was a people pleaser I Whatever I needed to do to not escalate a situation or make the situation uncomfortable Awkward I would be sure to do it and that kind of leads into.

07:46.83
Terrible Scott
Me.

08:04.87
Zaira Armendariz
You know, being assaulted or harassed I've definitely before these two instances I've experienced harassment in schools as well and I think it's just because I didn't have the voice or the courage to know what no meant and how it is say it and just to like.

08:18.43
Terrible Scott
Yeah, yeah, you know it's It's survival though too right is that sometimes you know it. It might not be lead to the best outcome but you know if you can.

08:21.83
Zaira Armendariz
Speak up for myself more I think oh total sreal.

08:35.34
Terrible Scott
Lay Low help others try not to bring attention to Yourself. You know there's a lot of ways to to to survive and you know I just want to get that out I mean it and you did say that you're not like using that to blame yourself. But I mean let's let's be honest, you're. Your child at this point. Um, you're growing up, you're learning and it it sounds like you know, a lot of the masking that that you were doing does does that mean that you were were you very ah cognizant that. Maybe the relationship you you specifically said with your mother like your home life wasn't what you needed or it was off in a way.

09:21.00
Zaira Armendariz
You know I it it kind of I would say yes and no um, like in terms of my parents' relationship I Thought that was kind of the normal.

09:24.24
Terrible Scott
Okay.

09:33.11
Zaira Armendariz
And so if I was at a classmate's house or a friend's house and I would see how their dynamic was I I remember vividly I came up to my dad 1 time and I was like their parents kiss each other that's weird like like it's just it's not normal to me or I would see this is where I was more conices of Etsy. Female classmates or friends and their relationship with their mother was very healthy and that they were actually close and I didn't have that and so I knew there was something not normal, but because my situation was my normal I didn't have any reference of how do you navigate.

09:54.54
Terrible Scott
Here.

10:11.99
Zaira Armendariz
What normal is you know what? I mean.

10:15.16
Terrible Scott
Sure and and I know that you know we talked about the the stories that you could get into and and um, you know you you talked about the relationship with parents and sexual assault and we ended up ah landing on the the sexual assault piece. But all of these things are kind of interrelated a lot of times right? and it it feels to me um like a lot of people I'm sorry I kind of lost what I was going to say here.

10:50.35
Terrible Scott
I am going to blame the Covid I did have something very important. It was going to be the best point that I was going to make guys I I swear to you? um.

10:57.20
Zaira Armendariz
It is all connected though because it's just part of life and growing up. You know it's all intertwined. You know again, we're complex beings and so the way you've been brought up as a child. You know your attachment styles that if you go into the old psychology stuff like that's all connected and that plays out into. The way you form a bond or relate with other people. So yeah, it's all definitely connected.

11:19.23
Terrible Scott
Um, yeah for sure.

11:24.12
danmetiv
Absolutely and is sky coy get your thoughts together and I got I got some things to say um, Zra first and foremost I you said you were 26 is that right? your.

11:36.13
Zaira Armendariz
I'm 26

11:39.83
danmetiv
Emotional intelligence seems to be through the roof I feel like the conversation in the way that you're able to um, discuss your ah ah your emotions and your balance like I wasn't. Able to do that till I was in my forty s um and that's phenomenal and also I think I'm sure it has to do with the amount of life that you've been able to live already that you've had to live already. Um, and also you know let me.

12:15.53
danmetiv
I Feel uncomfortable and usually when I feel uncomfortable if I talk about it. It makes me far less uncomfortable I'd feel uncomfortable asking questions talking to you um about a sexual assault because it doesn't feel.

12:34.76
danmetiv
Like I'm here to listen and to learn and if I ask you questions that aren't correct. Please let me know. Um, yeah and I'm I'm sure that you will. But if I say that out loud. It's going to help me talk for the rest of this 30 minutes does that make sense.

12:41.98
Zaira Armendariz
Ah, absolutely.

12:52.79
Zaira Armendariz
Oh no, yeah like this is ah, definitely a very uncomfortable conversation and to be asking a stranger online like hey tell me about your sexual assaults. No, it's totally yeah, no I I totally get it So I'm just here to let you know I am. Not easily offend it I'm here to educate whatever questions you may have I am an open book.

13:12.27
danmetiv
Ah, and I appreciate it and I appreciate you and I appreciate your willingness to put up with ah yeah, 2 middle aged assholes that have a lot of learning to do. So thank you.

13:26.63
Zaira Armendariz
But betterly the never he. Ah.

13:27.10
Terrible Scott
Ah, all right all right? So but back back to to growing up. Um, when you talk about your parents I I wasn't sure. Um, if you're saying did did you live.

13:28.87
danmetiv
I Hope so ah.

13:41.20
Terrible Scott
With both of your parents or were they separated by being word. That was one household.

13:43.35
Zaira Armendariz
Oh yeah, yeah, no, so we all lived together up until I was 19 when my parents finally officially got divorced and my mom left the state. So I struggled with that relationship literally up until 19 So it.

13:52.70
Terrible Scott
Okay.

14:01.21
Zaira Armendariz
And during the time of my assaults and all that 18 to 19 was probably my rock bottom of my life I was an absolute mess emotionally mentally and you know thank you that you Dan that you said that like my high equee. It's.

14:11.32
Terrible Scott
Little.

14:18.96
Zaira Armendariz
It's definitely from the life that I have lived so far by definitely give credit also to my dad because he was definitely been an anchor of just how to get past it.

14:19.29
Terrible Scott
Oh yeah.

14:29.38
Terrible Scott
Yeah, it's one of those things that it's ah an amazing tool set to to acquire right? that emotional maturity and intelligence. But sometimes you don't want to go through the things that you needed to go through in order to get to that point right.

14:43.17
Zaira Armendariz
Yeah, no, you'll never catch me saying like oh I'm so grateful of that all this shit to me like okay yeah, you know you'll never catch me saying that but but I will say I.

14:52.80
Terrible Scott
It it.

14:52.40
danmetiv
Ah.

14:59.25
Zaira Armendariz
This may sound weird maybe people are going to not like this but I am appreciative that I have gone through what I've gone through and the outcome that I have received I think I without a doubt the person I am today is because of all the shit that I went through and you know I think that's just part of.

15:07.42
Terrible Scott
Call you.

15:18.85
Zaira Armendariz
Waking up. It's a daily choice of how are you going to wake up today. Are you Goingnna Sulk and sit and you know I don't want to discredit people I've had my suling and sit motives I've had my pity parties but what? what are you going to do about it after and.

15:27.68
Terrible Scott
Mr.

15:33.80
Zaira Armendariz
Yeah, so I'm never gonna be like yes hell yeah like God So happy with through it but I am appreciative of where I am now and that I can now be an outlet for somebody that has gone through the same thing and I'll I'll quickly mention with my podcast that's primarily what. Has made me continue doing the podcast because I've shared stories of that I've gone through and I'll get calls and people reaching out sharing there so we'll talk more about the podcast I know at the end but like that's it's just where I'm at now like you know I'm using it as an outlet to help somebody else.

16:01.70
Terrible Scott
Yeah, for sure and by no means am I saying we can't talk in the meantime. But yeah, you know you plug it all you want say the things that you want it's It's a great podcast. Um, so yeah, you've you've learned a lot of these tools that.

16:07.29
Zaira Armendariz
A.

16:08.30
danmetiv
Plug it plug it.

16:20.17
Terrible Scott
That are going to serve you well for the rest of your life and you know you I don't know how you feel right now. Dan always talks about when he was 25 26 how he felt like he knew everything? Um, but when I look at it and and see that you know you do have that emotional maturity of someone that is beyond your years. Um. And when I look at it and I went through my major trauma I mean I didn't know that it was spread out over 15 years but it hit in my forty s and I'm still thankful that I'm this age this young enough to enjoy the rest of my life and. Ah, to to think about the many years that you have in front of you and you know to some extent you have that leg up in a way that you don't want to have that leg up. Um, but that's you know and then I look at the generational thing and the generations that are younger than Dan and and me, um.

17:15.56
Terrible Scott
Are learning coping skills more productive coping skills earlier in their lives I think as well or at least it's more acceptable to talk about it with your peers. Maybe it wasn't in high school as much as it is for you today. But I'm assuming you know from what I see I shouldn't assume anything but from where I'm Sitting. It looks like the world is evolving in a very positive way when it comes to mental health.

17:36.30
Zaira Armendariz
Oh yeah, absolutely I mean it's kind of hard for me to say because I only know what's going on right now. But what I hear from you know my peer not my well so my peers like my older friends. My my dad his peers. You know my mentors. It's.

17:41.42
Terrible Scott
True.

17:51.71
Terrible Scott
You.

17:55.17
Zaira Armendariz
A lot more acceptable indeed. It's a lot more acceptable to share your mental health and that's why I'm again so thankful that I'm I'm living when I'm living like I'm glad I'm like in this space now that I can help be a help push Shut trend forward. You know.

18:05.94
Terrible Scott
Yeah, um.

18:11.67
danmetiv
Good.

18:12.74
Terrible Scott
For sure for sure. Not in I mean look that's that's what we want as well. But let's go back to high school so you're you're you're in high school. Um, your things aren't ideal I guess is the way I'll say it to put it to put it lightly. Um, and.

18:16.25
Zaira Armendariz
Yes.

18:25.44
Zaira Armendariz
In her.

18:30.80
Terrible Scott
Are you still in high school at the time of these assaults you said eighteen years old so I'm not sure if that was in high school or not still.

18:38.39
Zaira Armendariz
so yeah so I'll try to explain the situation with also you know not getting the other people too involved. Um, but the official date when my first assault happened was probably like.

18:47.50
Terrible Scott
Okay.

18:56.18
Zaira Armendariz
A month or 2 No probably a month after graduation of high school and this person you know was someone I was talking to that whole senior year because I transferred high school senior year. So I was like the new girl a senior year met this person.

19:02.10
Terrible Scott
Um, enough.

19:11.80
Zaira Armendariz
Talking but now that I'm older and I can reflect I have the hindsight there were signs and events that were leading up to that you know, pushing boundaries I would say no was persistent making me comfortable. There was 1 time where he was supposed to take me home. We ended up. Parking in some random bacon street and I had a baked for him just to take me home because you know like my dad's worried I got curfew like it just there were certain things where now the the limits were being pushed. You know I remember prom night inappropriate touching in the jacuzzi. In front of everybody and I'm trying to downplay it because I'm not trying to make a big deal and it's where I get upset now is you know these people have a whole different perspective of what was going on. They probably thought oh that I'm enjoying it that I'm letting it happen and like whenever. Whenever I did finally come out to the my fellow classmates of what happened you know, no one believed me and it's part of why I want to share because it is hard to share and tell people and sometimes you have to recognize that you know people might not believe you. But yes, so right after high school.

20:08.38
Terrible Scott
Oh.

20:25.23
Zaira Armendariz
Graduation that happened and I can get into what happened just so I think it's important to kind of share that because I think both experiences were so very different um was out with the guy you know went to see a friend finally time to come Home. He parks in the garage but gas station and you know the touching starts happening and we're in a we're in a fucking public space I'm not down for that right now you know I don't want to do that and at the time of so.

20:50.80
Terrible Scott
Boom.

20:54.76
danmetiv
And had you guys been dating at all like where we see a makeout buddy like.

21:02.75
Zaira Armendariz
Well you like like it. It was such an interesting thing because his denomination of Christian was orthodox so he would remind me that he wasn't allowed to date me because I wasn't orthodox christian so we weren't allowed to be in a relationship but we were talking and hanging out and. You know we would kiss and all that. But it's where like it progressively started getting more physical. We're like the groping happening like trying to like unbutton my pants and I wouldn't want that or you know like this pushing as much as he could um and so yeah, we're we're at the gas station parking lot.

21:25.72
danmetiv
Who.

21:41.23
Zaira Armendariz
And I'm telling him no like stop touching me like trying to take off my pants and it was just one of those things where I realized I'm not getting out of the situation until what's done is done and at the time I was a virgin too. And so I think that was where mentally it kind of plummeted because you know I was at the time was very trying to be protective of that and wanting you know to hold on to it growing up in like with my values and everything That's what I wanted to do and so.

22:13.10
Terrible Scott
Move.

22:18.52
Zaira Armendariz
You know, eventually it just had end up being like where I knew it to get home. This has to happen and so I've realized now based on that the experiences I had growing up with my mother. There's you know they talk about the flight the fright the fight. There's also freeze.

22:31.25
Terrible Scott
Yeah.

22:35.46
Zaira Armendariz
I Think that's not talked about enough like I definitely am the freeze kind of person and so I I totally disassociated during that moment and. Thankfully I don't remember too much I can at least be thankful about that. My body knew enough to like Okay, let's just mentally check out for a bit but you know did what he did finally took me home and I remember kind of closing my door and. Immediately breaking down because I knew oh my fucking God like did I was the very confusing like did I let that happen is it my fault like was it rape was it consensual I was it was so confusing. Because you know people might want say well you should have pushed. You should have said no Harder. You should have yelled like there's no right way to go about it and I think that's also why what? I really want to like educate like if people tell you they should have done something they weren't there so they don't have the right to tell you how to react.

23:26.30
Terrible Scott
Right.

23:37.70
Zaira Armendariz
Because no one fucking knows how they're going to react into situation right? like you? no one you can't teach that school. No one tells you your parents can try to guide you but everybody's different. Um for context for you know people they're into like anatomy and all that my periods were always on time.

23:38.90
Terrible Scott
Fair.

23:38.21
danmetiv
Right.

23:55.17
Zaira Armendariz
But after that incident I was under so much fucking stress my period was late a whole week I legitimately thought I was pregnant I took a birth control test I was so stressed out I almost told my dad at the time of like this happened. And kind of glad I waited an extra day finally got my peers I like okay think I'd like I'm not pregnant. Um, this guy went off to Greece on a church trip and I was left by myself dealing with like what the hell just happened um and then that kind of now.

24:23.63
Terrible Scott
O.

24:29.61
Zaira Armendariz
Transition to how do I process what happened because I was for a long time in denial that that could potentially be rape I didn't want to accept that and so it you know. Kind of saw him for like maybe a few months after we had sex 1 more time after but it was more um, the intentionality on my end like okay, let me take control of the situation and I didn't realize that was a survival.

24:52.30
Terrible Scott
Yeah.

25:00.19
Zaira Armendariz
Way of processing until literally maybe two years ago I didn't realize like a lot of people do that so me wanting to have sex or me not really wanting but me deciding to that I would agree to have sex with him I didn't realize that was part of me trying to process my healing. Um.

25:17.40
Terrible Scott

25:18.92
Zaira Armendariz
So yeah, so that's July fast forward or maybe that was August July August fast forward it's beginning of October get invited to a little kickback house party. Um, there's people that get invited that I don't know they're older It's my first time drinking and so. Obviously I get plastered I get really drunk I get blocked out this guy I don't even know his name I don't even know who he was but you know he's taking care of me in the back of the backyard eventually he takes me to the room and. You know he rapes me and I have vague memories of you know him being on top and you know I apologize for people. Hopefully I'm not triggering anybody but I think it's important just to share the differences of what happens. Um.

26:10.47
danmetiv
Absolutely.

26:11.33
Terrible Scott
E.

26:14.90
Zaira Armendariz
I have big memories of him. You know, being on top of me that is pretty much it I woke up the next day and you know I'm feeling kind of sore feel like something's weird. But I'm so hung over and like so sick I was so confused. I finally go to the bathroom in the morning and I see a used condom in the trash and I was very confused I'm like wait that is what happened um, for context my hung my hangover lasted three days

26:45.83
Terrible Scott
The.

26:53.80
Zaira Armendariz
And as the three days passed I started getting more memory of him being alone with me in the room him being done. You know him on top of me and I started piecing it together like holy shit like did I just get raped again. And that I think was the hardest part because okay, it happens once it can happen to anybody but then for it to happen a second time I thought like okay, there must be a problem with me like I must have been asking for It's like there's like this is on me. It has to be on me. Um I remember.

27:12.83
Terrible Scott
This is.

27:27.78
Zaira Armendariz
Probably like a few days later I was at dinner with some friends from that same group of ah kids and I I'm telling them like hey I think I just got raped at this party and I remember very vividly someone that I thought was a good friend at the time he told me like oh well. It's been a few days you would have known so I think you're making it up where you're getting confused and I did I did not say a single word to anybody for 2 years after that I yeah I did not say anything.

27:57.13
Terrible Scott
Wow. So that time was that the only time that you told someone then was I mean had you told anyone before that or that was the first time. They reacted poorly and then you didn't tell anyone again for 2 years

28:14.99
Zaira Armendariz
So that was like the first time I ever said anything so with the first person I did not say anything just because I was so confused in denial and because we were all friends in the same group.

28:23.24
Terrible Scott
Okay.

28:30.89
Zaira Armendariz
Ah, this is where the people pleasing and not wanting to ruffle feathers comes into play. Um, and also there's like the denial of like I thought this person cared about me and I thought I liked him like it. Ah it can't be rape like he wouldn't do that to me. Um.

28:32.82
danmetiv
For sure.

28:46.45
Terrible Scott
Right.

28:49.33
Zaira Armendariz
Versus the second time it's with a complete stranger that I don't even know who they are where I'm like okay this is more black and white like this is more clear of what this could have been and so yeah, telling my friends that that dinner was the first time I had ever brought the topic up. And at that point too I also had mentioned about the other person and so I think for them. It was just one of those unfortunate kind of classic cases where you know like well he's my friend. What am I going to do about it? Um, but yeah, that.

29:18.75
Terrible Scott
Now.

29:23.19
Zaira Armendariz
At that point I didn't mention it to single person for 2 years and the next person I told two years later was my dad because it had gone to the point where like the next two years I was trying to process sex what like me like.

29:33.80
Terrible Scott
But.

29:37.76
Zaira Armendariz
Got so much that I literally could not keep it in anymore I was so depressed and suicidal to be Frank that I knew like I have to talk to my dad at least tell him and yeah that that experience was also pretty shitty have to admit? yeah.

29:54.66
Terrible Scott
Yeah, yeah I can't I can't imagine having to tell your father that I can't imagine your father having to hear that um I've I've kind of there's a lot that I mean we let you talk for a while there because.

30:03.97
Zaira Armendariz
Um.

30:11.99
Terrible Scott
You're you're such a good I hate to call it storyteller in these circumstances but it it's it is what it is right? and you're doing a nice job of relaying the information and one of the things I've been thinking for a while and I just just thought of it again because you pointed out like.

30:16.96
Zaira Armendariz
Um, it's okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

30:28.90
Terrible Scott
The second one was kind of the more classic what you think of or might have even been taught what rape is but earlier when you were talking about the the one who was you know you were friendly with then he would try to push boundaries I feel like especially Dan when you and I were kids. Pop culture movies. That's what guys were so almost told we are supposed to be doing. Um it was. It was very much in movies. It was like oh guys push the boundaries and women say no and that's the the role of each of you and.

30:52.56
danmetiv
That is very regular.

31:07.16
Terrible Scott
You know, not only is it a mixed message that you're getting I mean you you clearly knew the second example was rape but the first one you had to think about and process I mean you had to think in process about both of them.

31:22.72
Zaira Armendariz
Um, where.

31:25.96
Terrible Scott
Um I don't know where if I have a question that's coming out of that or just kind of it's It's just been this thing that I've been thinking as you're talking is that boys for a long time were taught that that boundary pushing was okay and.

31:41.59
Zaira Armendariz
It's correct to me if I'm wrong, but you're kind of taught like well how will you know if it's okay, or not if you don't push the boundaries and I think part of why it was so confusing is because.

31:47.17
Terrible Scott
Sure yeah.

31:53.71
Zaira Armendariz
Growing up as females you're taught stranger danger like be careful like don't take anything don't drink anything that you haven't watched like be careful this guy you don't know but you're not a majority of like Rapes social assaults or from a friend or family member like we're not taught that that.

31:55.22
Terrible Scott
Right.

32:09.77
Zaira Armendariz
It can be somebody you know? and so I think that was a big part of my confusion was like how can this person I've been friendly with you know, talking to how could he do that to me, you know.

32:14.68
Terrible Scott
Didn't.

32:18.28
Terrible Scott
Yeah, and and I'm almost I mean it's it's kind of disappointing to to learn that that still for something is relatively recent in your life that that was still kind of not what you were taught growing up it. It seems that. I think you just said it I mean ah the people around you are the most dangerous usually. Ah um, you know that should be the number 1 thing that's taught and apparently that I mean that message certainly didn't come through to you. It sounds like.

32:48.76
Zaira Armendariz
No yeah and I think it it also probably really depends on you know the fine family dynamics you grew up like you know like thankfully you know my family. You know there's we haven't dealt with anyone that's in crime that's you know, committed anything like that's.

32:57.10
Terrible Scott
Yeah, true.

33:07.22
Zaira Armendariz
Been harmful to other people and so in that sense you're you know as a parent you're not going to be thinking like I need to teach my child to be careful of like a close friend at school or an uncle or you know grandfather and so I think there's just also that where. It.. It's hard like again, No One's taught that and I'm glad that we're having this conversation now that way you know listeners whether you're parents or listeners. You're like me that will be a future parent At least we can start keeping that in mind on like how do you prepare your child and how do you prepare yourself in case, you unfortunately have to receive the news.

33:25.27
Terrible Scott
You know.

33:41.20
Zaira Armendariz
Whether it's from your child a sister brother. You know how do you prepare for that.

33:45.27
Terrible Scott
Rm well no Dan Dan good

33:47.88
danmetiv
Um, it. Yeah for for any gentleman that hear this young men consent consent consent talk about it. Ask get the yes it doesn't kill the mood. But it's so crucial and you want to talk about building a relationship and being comfortable with other people. It's worth the conversation I promise.

34:14.56
Terrible Scott
Hey from what I hear consent is sexy these days.

34:17.85
Zaira Armendariz
I was just about to say consent is so fucking sexy like I'm a guilty you might my last experience that I asked can I This can I that is it. Okay, this and you know what I'm like oh yes, man like you go like.

34:32.90
Terrible Scott
Ah.

34:33.42
Terrible Scott
The.

34:35.78
Zaira Armendariz
Thank you, It's it does not kill the moot and I think it's just.

34:40.87
danmetiv
It's a way better cell from zyra than it is from Scott that's for sure.

34:45.97
Terrible Scott
Shut up. But anyway anyway, so you you just said like how do you prepare to hear being on the receiving end and that that kind of brings me back to the conversation you had with with your father. Um.

34:46.78
Zaira Armendariz
Yeah, yeah.

34:49.20
danmetiv
Um, so.

35:02.76
Zaira Armendariz
Um, yeah.

35:02.98
Terrible Scott
I Guess I for I'm interested in like both sides like how you presented it to him and how you felt like he reacted.

35:09.92
Zaira Armendariz
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I I had been thinking about it for probably it was like it just came up to my head. Um I think it was like three days where I was really sitting with it and I'm like how do I tell my dad what happened to me and i. Remember I was so anxious I could not eat for days I was so stressed out I was so scared of how he would react and I finally sat him down I told him like hey I need to talk to you I need to tell you something and I flat out told him like two years ago I was raped. And you know what without a blink. He asked me he said like was it this person and I was taken aback I'm like it was and he knew and I think that was really hard for me to process on like holy shit like. Was it so evident that this person was not good that I was just so blind or like I wasn't emotionally a mature enough yet the time to beware of the red flags. Um.

36:19.50
Zaira Armendariz
You know my dad needed a few days to process it where you know he had his space and I have to be understanding and respectful of that because it's like it's just my dad brother and I like my dad and I you know like I'm Daddy's girl all the way so da for a dad to hear that from his daughter like I can. I cannot even begin to imagine what that would be like um but I can speak to my perspective. It was really hard for me. You know to get the reaction that I did you know like and to be honest, we never really spoke about it since then just kind of like he knew I needed to get out for my.

36:44.11
Terrible Scott
Who.

36:54.32
Zaira Armendariz
My healing just to put it out there after I told my dad I told my brother and I'm thankful that my brother and I are very close and he he's younger than me by a little bit but he's very mature as well. He gave me a hug and he just sat and let me cry and um.

37:13.75
Zaira Armendariz
I Just want to let people know like if you went through something Maybe it wasn't all the way you know penetrative rape but you were sold like on some level if you were made uncomfortable at any point and you feel the need that you need to tell somebody I Hope that you find the voice that you can do that. But also be Prepared. You might not get the initial reaction that you're hoping for and it's just just to give the other person some grace with that because it's a difficult thing like it's a very uncomfortable conversation. But I promise you whether it's like a immediate family. Maybe you can go find a therapist or close friend. There is someone out there that will know. How to listen to you and give you whatever space healing or grace that you need in the moment.

37:57.79
Terrible Scott
Wow! yeah.

38:01.54
danmetiv
That's really I do I I don't even have the word powerful and gracious and to be I mean you are you. You were a victim and you needed help and you talked to your father and you didn't get the reaction that you wanted or that you needed at the time and to still have the grace to say he needed space and it wasn't easy for him either. Um, yeah, you are dear Dear a hell of a gal I've I've got a daughter and man I've got I've got I've I've got some feelings over here at the moment.

38:43.54
Terrible Scott
If you are I but.

38:53.82
Terrible Scott
Well and I I will say though that my fear in hearing some of that this is that it can be easy to lose yourself sometimes when you're an empath and you know when you come with your pain. And also have that where you've got to help manage someone else's pain and you know I've I've certainly lost myself and put myself aside at times for the other people as well. Um, so. I hope you've been able to come to a good place with that and and with I mean it sounds like you've got a great relationship with your father. So um, all of that. But um, the 1 thing like you said that in in that moment. You know you were wondering like if you were the only person that couldn't see it with this person.

39:33.51
Zaira Armendariz
Um, oh yeah.

39:48.15
Terrible Scott
Um, was that kind of an assumption of I mean I mean it sounds like he didn't say much your dad didn't say much um because I was almost wondering not if it was too much. Um, or if it was visible to your dad. His behavior this this boy's behavior or if it was was there a market change in your personality or behavior after that incident is it Maybe that he saw something change in you after that.

40:19.20
Zaira Armendariz
Ah, you know what? That's a really good question and I'm definitely gonna have to reflect on that I think that like God that whole year was there's so much going On. Um. I Went through a lot whether it was like my mom or with my incidences that I think there was a huge major shift in who I was in general. Um, Also my dad is very intued like he's very Observant. So I'm I'm sure he was aware that you know like this person was just not safe for me. Um I don't know. But.

40:43.40
Terrible Scott
Um.

40:50.40
Terrible Scott
If.

40:55.89
Zaira Armendariz
That's a really good question. Um, another thing I do want to kind of bring up is just kind of like the way I processed my relationship with sex after because I think this is where I wish somebody would have been able to talk to me about um you know I again like I I was a virgin when. This happened to me and so I held a lot of guilt that I like recklessly lost it and so I didn't know how to process it and so not that I slept with a whole bunch of people but I was a lot more.

41:22.45
Terrible Scott
With a.

41:34.24
Zaira Armendariz
Careless about being in a situation where I was sleeping with people after that you know I would do my hookups and you know one night stands whatever ah and I thought I was taking power of the power that was taken away from me I thought like this is me taking.

41:49.27
Terrible Scott
Um, no.

41:50.87
Zaira Armendariz
A hold of the situation and this is me getting my voice back but like well no I'm here because I want to but now that I'm older I've realized it wasn't necessarily that I was just confused. And I didn't know what to do about it and I think I was just so bitter angry with the situation that I was just kind of you know, fuck it like whatever and I realize now like me engaging in these one night stands or hookups actually made me.

42:10.64
Terrible Scott
O.

42:23.21
Zaira Armendariz
Even more depressed because it just wasn't me. It wasn't I wasn't being my authentic self I was just now at the place of like Len me aeas to somebody and is probably deep root into you know, needing the gratification and approval of somebody because I didn't get that at home I didn't get it from this person. It was just.

42:26.45
Terrible Scott
Sure for.

42:42.21
Zaira Armendariz
Was a whole twisted view. Um, and so I just going to want to share with people listening. You know if you maybe engage in hookups that you didn't necessarily want to but you felt like because you could you would to give yourself grace. And healing with that or you know if you maybe were just put in a situation that you didn't necessarily want to but because you don't know how to say no quite yet, you haven't learned how to use that power like you. It's just it. It gets really messy and I had to work through a lot in therapy to. Get my self-grace for that and I think that's definitely affected Now. My relationship with sex with like my past relationships where they would want to initiate and I wasn't initiating and I think it was deeprooted because I'm still dealing with the fact that I haven't resolved my own personal relationship with.

43:32.99
Terrible Scott
Little.

43:36.19
Zaira Armendariz
What does healthy sex look like am I allowed to have it. You know, growing up as a Christian like I'm supposed to be feeling guilty about it. You know society says like oh if you're having sex as a female like your whore your slut. Whatever just the negative connotation. It was just such a muddy place.

43:50.10
Terrible Scott
Yeah mean you know what what I will say is that there's no 2 people whose relationship with sex is the exact same right? There are people who value and maybe benefit from having that 1 lifetime partner and then there are people who.

44:00.77
Zaira Armendariz
Um, that.

44:08.94
Terrible Scott
Are able to have it more casually and value it more casually and in in either end of that spectrum as far as I'm concerned is okay, ah but what? But what I will say is that some of the things that you know I see that are unhealthy are the.

44:15.70
Zaira Armendariz
Listen.

44:24.68
Terrible Scott
To me the the shame that is sometimes built into something that's perfectly natural and also the shame that you ended up feeling of having that something taken from you right? and and not having that control and you know that's a mind fuck no matter what.

44:42.23
Zaira Armendariz
Oh yeah.

44:44.55
Terrible Scott
It's a mind fuck no matter what what perspective we're coming from but I Also when I look at you know purity culture Sometimes it's like well you still have value beyond The fact that you have have or had not had sex and I know that that is such something that weighs So heavily.

44:56.72
Zaira Armendariz
Yes.

45:03.57
Terrible Scott
On a lot of people who have raised in kind of that culture and it sounds like you might have been to some extent is that is that accurate. It might.

45:13.50
Zaira Armendariz
Oh yeah yeah yeah I think you know you're going like oh save yourself and you know like that's what I going up until 18 that was part of what I wanted to do um and so yeah, there was that the purity culture and the whole thing of like.

45:15.81
Terrible Scott
Right.

45:21.16
Terrible Scott
Right.

45:27.87
Zaira Armendariz
You think your values based on the status of your virginity and now because that's gone you're tainted you're disgusting Ugly whatever society tries to puts on and it took a lot of work through therapy to realize like.

45:38.99
Terrible Scott
You.

45:46.21
Zaira Armendariz
Just because I'm not a virgin anymore does not mean I'm not a good person I'm not a decent fucking human being right? like I'm I'm not tainted I'm not worthless like my value is still held very high and that's more like I have to make the choice.

45:52.35
Terrible Scott
Exactly. Yes.

46:02.93
Zaira Armendariz
To carry myself that way like that's a choice that I need to make a promise to myself like I'm going to view myself this way because I fucking am not because someone else is telling me to it's because I naatly am um yeah.

46:08.36
Terrible Scott
Yes.

46:13.84
danmetiv
Absolutely.

46:14.99
Terrible Scott
Hell yeah I like it. So um I think then that it it it sounds like we're we're we're crossing that bridge into the positive parts. Um, so ah Dan looks like he's got something to say first.

46:24.88
Zaira Armendariz
Um, yeah.

46:25.21
danmetiv
Who oh oh I got something to say now I was just wondering so you know we've made it through your assaults. It's 2 years and you've been at your lowest, you've. spoken to your father You've spoken to your brother you've talked about it to someone finally now and then you kind of jumped ahead to like you've been through therapy and it was great. How do you get from from being at your lowest finally telling your family. To therapy into healing. Where's that transition happen.

47:05.88
Zaira Armendariz
Um, yeah, you know I I think innately I'm a very resilient person. So once I was thinking once I was able to finally tell people. Um I.

47:13.42
danmetiv
Clearly.

47:23.23
Zaira Armendariz
Think there I was able to disconnect myself from the identity I was carrying that I'm broken I was finally able to put this I like that is not me granted I Even now still have my bad days. Um, and I think you know honestly I think my.

47:28.77
danmetiv
Yeah.

47:34.83
Terrible Scott
Who.

47:42.00
Zaira Armendariz
1 of my ex-boyfriends was a decent part of my healing. Um, he was very attentive to what I went through understanding, respectful and I definitely have to give him credit to that. Um. And I think this is also something for people out there. You know be really intentional how you feel with your partner that you need to feel safe and I think part of the journey for me is learning what does safe look like I think I was a big one like do I feel comfortable with this person.

48:12.62
danmetiv
Yeah, for.

48:17.53
Zaira Armendariz
Are they respectful of my boundaries are they respectful that sometimes in the middle sex I do get triggered and I will break down and cry. It's just my body's response like muscle memory and I think also I was was now in college after the 2 years where I was now. Out of you know my mom was gone that was also a big part of it. The household was now healthy again. I was able to be myself going to school was kicking ass. You know now I have new friends busy I Think the being busy is what helped me but that was also not the solution because you know.

48:53.90
Terrible Scott
Um, yeah, oh it's it's real easy to avoid when you're busy, right.

48:55.38
Zaira Armendariz
Eventually things resurf us and I had to go to therapy for it. Um, oh and I am I'm I'm the queen of that I can get really busy and we're we we'll deal with this another day you know? Um, yeah so I think and to kind of sum it up.

49:08.73
Terrible Scott
Ah, if we're sure.

49:13.12
Zaira Armendariz
You know I started investing my time and things are productive for me so that was me getting my degree going to school you know, learning by trial and error sometimes not greatly what safe look like having to cut off relationships that were tied to the people that assaulted me. Um.

49:16.60
Terrible Scott
M.

49:31.63
Zaira Armendariz
This is another kind of fucked up story. So one of my exes I'll try to keep it as a non-minous as I can was best friends with the first person that assaulted me and when I had finally told him to two years later he didn't do anything about it. He so kept the friend for a bit. Um.

49:36.30
Terrible Scott
Let.

49:48.94
Zaira Armendariz
And so when him and I eventually started dating that was a big conversation. We had to have where is this person still in your life because if he is then I don't even know if we can still be friends anymore. Um, and so just having to navigate all of the messiness of that and you know now that person. My Ex is' in no longer my life I think that was also another part of the healing where like that chapter is completely closed and is having to be honest with yourself of meeting therapy and you know honestly as Well. The podcast has been a huge part of my healing.

50:16.77
Terrible Scott
The.

50:23.67
Zaira Armendariz
The second episode I ever put out which was the first one with a guest was on sexual assault and I knew I needed to start with that episode because that's a huge one. It's not talked about enough and it's now got me to the mentality where I'm at now where I'm like if I can be an outlet for somebody like if somebody listening from this gets something or some like.

50:26.27
Terrible Scott
Oh.

50:40.87
Terrible Scott
Yeah.

50:42.73
Zaira Armendariz
Something out of it that that and it makes all of all this shit worth it to me. You know.

50:47.54
Terrible Scott
Yeah, yeah I mean virtual high fives coming from my way I I think this is great I Love it. Um, and you know clearly I've had some trauma that I have very much wanted to talk about on my podcast and I feel like. Just the act of talking ah immediately for me Anyway, strips some of the like shame and embarrassments and in those things once it's out in the World. You can say it out loud and now on the other hand though I've heard from women in the past and I've heard a little bit from you. That it's not that quite that easy with sexual assault because so many people don't respond in a supportive manner. Um, So what would your advice be for someone who you know you have a friend or a family member comes to you and. Chairs that they've been assaulted.

51:45.19
Zaira Armendariz
Yeah, yeah, um I would say the first thing this isn't about you. This is about the person so you're dealing with a lot of shit totally valid but you need to get out of your head and be there for this person. Um. None of this Well what were you wearing? Well did you say no well did you push back none of that. Um, don't ask intimate questions unless they're the ones initiating to share the intimate details. You know I think.

52:20.50
Zaira Armendariz
Like here's a different situation because I'm here to talk about it. Um, but with someone that had just gone through something They don't probably don't want to tell you exactly everything that happened because they're still trying to process what the fuck happened you know and so my biggest advices is just listen be that space. Do they want to hug.

52:28.66
Terrible Scott
Who.

52:37.96
Zaira Armendariz
Maybe they don't even want to be touched because of what they experience the big, the simple, the simplest things just ask? What do you need for me right now. How can I be here for you. Do you want to go report it if you don't want to report it.

52:44.42
Terrible Scott
No.

52:52.89
Zaira Armendariz
Do you want me to help you find a therapist if you don't want to even want to do that yet which is totally Okay, what do you want? What do you need from me like how can I best serve you in this moment I think that goes such a long way I Really wish someone had given me that space and it.

53:00.61
Terrible Scott
The.

53:11.39
Zaira Armendariz
Just from speaking as like a victim you know like that would mean the world if someone had asked me that it would have meant the world.

53:20.21
Terrible Scott
Yeah, and even in a very a scenario that is much less intense understanding what someone needs from you in a moment is always kind of the the best route to go. Um, you know a and I. I Will say you know there's a lot of times men get the reputation as being ah want to solve the problems for people or jumping in with the answers and you know I don't I don't know if it is truly a male thing. You probably have opinions on that. Um, but.

53:43.90
Zaira Armendariz
Are.

53:52.87
Zaira Armendariz
K.

53:56.83
Terrible Scott
I had a friend to strong word I met someone a couple a year ago and we talked on talk on occasion. But you know aren't close friends or anything and 1 of the things she told me was that in her group of friends when someone comes and has something to vent about or bring up. That they have an agreement that I mean it's a spoken agreement that the response to that is ok. What do you need from me and it's like do you need someone just to listen. Do you need someone to jump in and say yeah fuck that guy.

54:23.30
Zaira Armendariz
Um.

54:28.50
Terrible Scott
Ah, um, or what what can I do that's going to be. You know that's going to be helpful right now instead of just assuming Um, and I think that that's that's a really good thing is to to.

54:40.49
Terrible Scott
You know it. It isn't always super easy to ask. But you know you can catch the vibes that they're giving off and you can ask the questions and um, you know it's It's always safer to to do what they need to find out what they need from you than to just Assume. You've got the right thing to do or say or or to give to them. So yeah, yeah.

54:57.72
Zaira Armendariz
Yeah, yeah, well I always say when in Doubt just ask and this ties into the whole consent thing when in doubt just ask like it ease it like it might be awkward. It might be like how do I ask this. But once you do it's like it's easy peasy like everything just like falls into place. So.

55:06.19
danmetiv
Yep.

55:12.50
Terrible Scott
Yeah, nobody nobody's gonna get pissed at you for wanting to give them what they need in that moment. Yeah, true true to in fairness, most people need to see therapists. But yeah, but.

55:17.15
Zaira Armendariz
And if they are they probably need to see a therapist you know like it's It's not a personal thing. You know this is very true.

55:26.16
danmetiv
Yeah, don't we all.

55:30.12
Terrible Scott
So let's get to your ah podcast a little bit then you mentioned you started it off ah early on to on on an episode about sexual assault because that was you you needed to um what? why just start a podcast.

55:42.90
Zaira Armendariz
So for context I got my bachelor's in film directing and screenwriting I graduated 2020 so right as the pandemic happened so that meant no jobs I applied to grad school I applied for jobs nothing and.

55:52.54
danmetiv
Yeah, ah.

55:53.17
Terrible Scott
The.

56:00.77
Zaira Armendariz
Had my quarter life crisis of like what the fuck am I going to do now. Um, but I am a creative I love making projects I love podcasts already. Um, then with the pandemic you know I start going to therapy for the first time and that's when I really took seriously mental health and learned a lot and i.

56:14.48
Terrible Scott
Little.

56:19.36
Zaira Armendariz
Started having the tug of I want to create something but I want it to help people like how can now how can I put something out there that people can benefit from and so that's how my podcast complex like wine came about I named it complex like wine because I'm also a big wine person I worked at a winery.

56:36.87
Terrible Scott
Nice.

56:38.86
Zaira Armendariz
You know if you go wine tasty. You learn like there's complex wines because there's layers in death and like well we're basically that we're complex beans. You know so I was like you know, perfect. Let me combine my 2 favorite things talking about my mental health and drinking a glass of wine boom and so I started the podcast and.

56:44.49
Terrible Scott
Sure.

56:52.61
Terrible Scott
It it yes.

56:58.20
Zaira Armendariz
Every episode I bring on a different guest that we touch on a range of topics and when I first released it. It was an April and April sexual selfwareness month and so I knew I needed to start the podcast with that and thankfully the guests of that episode. She. Was actually kind of an inspiration to me because she had been open about her experience with sexual assault and so I knew that she was vocal about it and graciously enough. She agreed to be on the episode with me and. Everything kind of just took off from there friends that I had been friends with for years told me their experience that I never expected would have happened.

57:35.10
Terrible Scott
Yes, isn't that just amazing. How once you show some vulnerability that suddenly everybody like I I've said before that I want a shirt that says your friends have trauma too because it's like I nobody knew I didn't know about the Traumas of so many people I knew until.

57:46.44
Zaira Armendariz
Um, yeah.

57:54.68
Terrible Scott
I started saying fuck it I'm just going to tell the world.

57:58.49
Zaira Armendariz
It's and that has been my biggest intention since a podcast like if I'm asking people to be vulnerable on my platform I have to be vulnerable to like I have to put my shit out there and so it has been a very.

58:03.14
Terrible Scott
Yeah, for sure.

58:13.18
Zaira Armendariz
Amazing experience sometimes scary like releasing that first episode I was like holy shit like people that might know me from high school that know this person is they going to bite me in the ass that I'm coming out like.

58:15.54
Terrible Scott
Yeah.

58:25.94
Zaira Armendariz
My family like it was just a whole thing and you know what I don't regret a single thing at all I'm so glad I did it I'm so glad it's brought me now to a place where I've met you guys and I can share this story on your platform and but yeah, so my podcast complex like wine I started season 2

58:33.46
Terrible Scott
Yeah.

58:41.93
Zaira Armendariz
And that's how I met you guys and you know I release episodes every week on Wednesdays it's on all platforms Youtube Spotify Apple all of that. Thank you thank you I still need some tweaks but I know I just built a website which is cool.

58:46.82
danmetiv
Nice. You've got a great looking website I'm on it right now.

58:51.15
Terrible Scott
All right? and it nice if if there was a starting point other than just starting from the beginning is there a favorite episode or something. You're really proud of that. You'd like to point people to if they want to. A good taste of what your podcast is.

59:10.15
Zaira Armendariz
Oh that's a really good question. Um, damn there's I think I have a few I put me on this fucking spot. So yeah I would say so too the sexual assault one because that's.

59:15.38
Terrible Scott
Put you on the spot. Okay.

59:26.55
Zaira Armendariz
A very vulnerable thing especially for me like if if it comes up in conversation I've always been very open about it but to be open on open on the internet. So yeah I was like hey surprise world like look at me I was assaulted.

59:33.93
Terrible Scott
Li.

59:34.71
danmetiv
And make that like your first thing to be open about like you don't have any practice at that point you know. Then strong start.

59:44.56
Terrible Scott
All right.

59:46.84
Zaira Armendariz
Now I'm gonna talk about it. Um, so i' would say that 1 um one with one of my buddies from film school with Lu Keller house for people curious. It's I you know male body dysmorphia and then we did another episode on just kind of like the feminine and masculine. Because I think that's also really important to talk about I would say my first episode of season 2 which is on breakup psychedelics and all that I you know breaking out out of my hiatus I had to go through my own healing and processing of what I want to do so that was just a big one I was proud of to like actually start up again. Um, that one's really fun. It's with another good friend of mine Isaiah Leone and episode 33 for people listening and then you know I actually did an episode It's not released yet. It will be really soon. But someone else reached.

01:00:25.13
danmetiv
Nice that's episode 33

01:00:38.14
danmetiv
Who we're getting Ah, we're getting a teaser right now everybody pay attention.

01:00:41.65
Zaira Armendariz
You're getting some teasers right now. So I have 2 that are cutting out that I'm really excited about 1 is with a gentleman. He has schizoaffective disorder and then one is with a girl that she has autism but now she is.

01:00:41.92
Terrible Scott
Ah, okay, if.

01:00:57.60
Zaira Armendariz
A speech coach and therapist for children that are on the spectrum or with some disability so it's now expanded to a wider audience I've had guests from different countries now that will be released So anyway, there's throughout the whole thing for different reasons I'm very proud of it.

01:01:00.83
danmetiv
Awesome. Okay.

01:01:13.30
danmetiv
You should be That's awesome.

01:01:15.41
Terrible Scott
All right? Well well notice she didn't bring up being excited for the episode that I recorded with her. Ah.

01:01:19.43
Zaira Armendariz
Anyway, wait wait way. Okay, okay I know you this color but well teaser everybody. We really record in an episode. It will be released out probably within like the next month or so.

01:01:25.71
Terrible Scott
No, that's okay, that's okay.

01:01:39.20
Zaira Armendariz
But that was also very good. So I'm not just saying this is to say it. But no, it was really good and it's It's so cool now that I'm getting to collaborate with other podcasters and we get to share in each other's platforms the importance of mental health. So I just want to say I'm very appreciated for you guys.

01:01:51.51
Terrible Scott
Yeah, yeah, well thank you? Thank you? It's it I've enjoyed it as well and I love to see you know we've we've looked looked around when we're starting this in a lot of mental health podcasts and there is a lot that were like clinical ones and a lot I feel like.

01:01:56.60
Zaira Armendariz
This has been a fun episode.

01:02:10.36
Terrible Scott
You know the ones like yours and the ones like ours that are just normal people talking about some shit that they went through or other people went through a very real and you know I like the vibe of yours and I love the name I think that God I always talk about how just everything in life is so complex and everything is. Yeah,, there's no black and white and there's it's just I don't know.

01:02:34.35
danmetiv
Um I like that it I I like that it usually when we talk about complex. It's a negative right? Ah, that's so complex. She's complex but wine when we talk about the complexities of wine. It's It's a virtue of wine right? And you.

01:02:51.37
Terrible Scott
Wow she this is going to be your are you going to I I ruined it by talking you can take my voice out of the track we can take that 15 seconds and give it to you and you can use it for an advertisement.

01:02:51.82
danmetiv
That's kind of the human experience. It's of course it's complex. Oh I I will I will.

01:03:02.50
Zaira Armendariz
Um, I yes I know yeah I'm going to have to have Dan be like yo speak for my ad my little promo hype me up. Sir.

01:03:11.17
Terrible Scott
Ah, ah, all right? Well cool. Awesome! Thank you so much for being on. Um, this was really enlightening and I'm going to say that as a middle aged man. Um.

01:03:13.44
danmetiv
I'm happy to do it. You are very hypable.

01:03:21.28
danmetiv
Ah, indeed.

01:03:30.71
Terrible Scott
You know I've learned more and more and more especially if we go back the last ten years and me too and everything I think that it's safe to say that a lot of men have learned a lot of things that maybe we didn't want to know about um and yeah and and it's it.

01:03:42.33
danmetiv
I Sure fucking hope So well.

01:03:44.50
Zaira Armendariz

01:03:49.98
Terrible Scott
Even at times it has been an uncomfortable place because like I said before the movies we grew up on a lot of times promoted the type of behaviors that result in terrible things and even if it's not terrible things just uncomfortable situations and and this dynamic between men and women but quite probably way too much often. It's pretty terrible things that come out from it and I'm sorry you went through that but I'm super humbled and and grateful and honored in all of the words that I like to use ah that you were willing to come on here and and share and especially again I can't help but. But throw out the the middle aged guy factor because you know not everybody likes to talk to us people. They people think we talk about ourselves too much Anyway. Um, but yeah I am so appreciative of it and you are absolutely ah, emotionally mature and and wise and. I'm very impressed and I wish you all the luck and hope that your podcast goes on forever and ever I think everyone listening should take a listen have a listen download a couple episodes. Um, and yeah that that damn looks like you want to say something real quick.

01:05:02.22
danmetiv
Yeah, all Zru's contact info is going to be right there in the show notes. That's all.

01:05:07.95
Terrible Scott
All right? Well thank you Zara this episode as always has been absolutely positively terrible.

01:05:18.81
Zaira Armendariz
Thank you guys.