You're listening to Positively Terrible. I'm producer Dan and each week we talk about my buddy Scott's terrible experiences as he works towards a more happy and positive life. This is dudes with beards trying not to avoid their feelings and remind each other that we're not alone in this fucked up world. With me this week is Scott. How you doing today Scott? I'm doing well. I'm doing very well. It's been an interesting week this week. Pretty heavy. Oh yeah? Yeah. I don't know what it is. I've been in lots of strange, not strange, but serious heavy conversations with people this week. Starting with my cousin who is in a really bad spot with her family and has been talking about going to therapy for months. And very happy to start by saying that I got her to make an appointment. Then I've talked to people, like a lot of people are leaning on me right now. It's a pretty crazy thing to me that people are, to me, feels crazy to me that people are leaning on me right now when I've very recently been the one who's needed everyone else. It's nice that you get to pay it back. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm very happy about that. It just made for a very heavy week and I'm glad that we've got our guest here today who is very rarely one who is in heavy conversations with me. We've got neighbor Francis here. Neighbor Francis. Hello. Hi Francis. How are you? Doing all right. Good. So Francis is new to my neighborhood. He moved into the house next door to me, thus neighbor Francis, just a few months back. And it's been an interesting ride already. Yeah. Interesting ride already. Francis, do you want to tell our listeners how we met? I met you on the second day I moved in, in the alley. And then you were like, sorry for not introducing myself, even though I've only been there for less than 24 hours. I'm like, you're good, bro. Okay. So anyway, you talked to me for like half an hour. It was a lengthy conversation. I was late to work. I was late to the work, which is, work is, you know, 15 feet from my bed. Yeah. And that's when I realized, oh my God, I haven't been here 24 hours. I already met both neighbors on each side. I lived in Logan Square for 16 years and didn't know, barely knew any of my neighbors. Right. Right. It was one of those, hi, and yeah, bye-bye. Well it's small town up here. Like we are in your shit now. Yeah. Definitely a different speed here on the Northwest side. It's cool. I mean, I grew up in the suburbs, so it's kind of a relaxing feeling for me, you know. And talked to you. And then what I didn't see, you said you had some family issues, so I'm like, okay, whatever. Hey, good luck with that. And then a couple months later, I see you on what, like around July 4th weekend? Oh no, it was on July 4th, I think. Well, whatever that Saturday was. And then you were with your wife. Right, right, right. Wonderful. Oh yeah. It was the day that we got the kittens, so it was like the week of July 4th. Yeah. Yes. Because my girlfriend was like, some lady in purple is just staring us. And apparently my girlfriend has no volume control. I'm like, no, she can hear you. You say apparently, like you haven't known. You warned me of this on day two. Yes. Like, yeah, she's loud. Can I assume that the lady in purple was Scott's wife? Oh yes. All right. And so you guys, because the garage is open, so you guys just walked in. And I'm like, yeah, whatever. I'm like, this is Scott. And so you come in, talk to you for a few moments, and then you walked out because you had those new cats. New cats. Taco and Turtle. Yes. And then, what, maybe a month and a half later, I get a knock on the door on a Wednesday. I think it was Tuesday, but go ahead. Tuesday, Wednesday, you come in and say, hey, I got a story for you. And I'm like, okay. She goes, yeah, you know, my wife, she had a mental breakdown. And I said, oh, I'm sorry. And you were like, no, no, it's a good thing. And I'm like, what? So I banged on the door and said, hey, babe, come on out here. Our neighbor is going to regale us with a story. What time of day was this? Oh, like maybe after an hour, like six, seven o'clock. Oh, so in the evening. It wasn't two in the morning. No, not yet. Not yet. Hey, I just want to correct, interject. My exact words were, want to hear a fucked up story. Yeah, yeah, you did say that. And the other thing that I want to say is, you know, anyone who's listened to this podcast before knows our feelings on mental health. So to say that having a mental breakdown is a good thing is only relevant based on the context of the story. Right. Where you were at the time. Right. Yes. I'm a big advocate for mental health, but I needed to hear this one. So my girlfriend decides to, yeah, let's feed him some, you know, tips, salsa and beer. She was very insistent on giving me a burger. I did not. I did not accept a burger this night, but she seems like she likes to feed people. Oh, yes. Which is odd because, yeah, anyway. So you're telling us the story about how you met. I'm pretty sure your podcast listeners have already heard this story, but you met the fiance and the boyfriend. We call them players two and player three. Okay. Player two and three. Yeah. Okay. So that makes you player one. Of course. Sure. Whatever. Status, man. Status. It's just because he's got a podcast. I know. I know. I know. I actually don't mean that. He's a pretty cool guy. So you tell us a story about them and we're just like amazed. Like, okay, I think we know our neighbors way too well now. Yeah. Sorry. That's fine because we live pretty dramatic list lives. Drama list lives. Drama list. Okay. Drama list. Whatever. I like dramatic list. Dramatic list. Yeah. And we're like, okay, we got to find this from somewhere. And can I just say that for the decade I've lived here, I've been the quiet house on the block. I don't know. I'll have to base that on what you just told me right now. I mean, we actually left our places. Well, she left her place because her neighbors would complain she talks too loud on our balcony. Okay. By the way, she lives right off the L. Okay. Like literally the building is next to the L. So they're not worried about the trains. Yeah. The big problem is the lady sitting on the back porch talking. Yeah. All right. I mean, it's the red line. It comes by in 10 minutes. Well, they need time in between the trains to actually compose themselves, I think. Oh, my God. Well, her neighbors suck. But anyway, let's see. So you told us about what happened with you. We're like, oh, yeah, let's hang, or whatever. And then when I say let's hang, I don't mean come back in a week and ring the doorbell at six in the morning and say, I'm so confused. Who am I? Where am I? I'm without glasses or shoes for some reason. No keys for my house. I'm like, what's going on? I asked my girlfriend, what's going on? And she's like, oh, there's Scots at the front. I'm like, why? It's 6 a.m. I'm like, go get the guns. This is our second or third meeting. We're shooting a neighbor. But then you come back at what, nine? Eight thirty nine. No, I was nearer than nine. My phone was dead. So. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm going to go get the guns. And I'm like, I'm going to go get the guns. And I'm like, I'm going to go get the guns. And I'm like, I'm going to go get the guns. And I'm like, I'm going to go get the guns. It was nine. Oh, we had it on video on the ring video camera. The best was. Let's let's let's see if we can get our hands on that footage. We that's going on the website. We actually tried looking for it and we can't find it. Oh, God. So but when you said when you came out and you told me what time it was, I was like, the first words out of my mouth, AM or PM. And then I think the second words out of my mouth were, what day is this? Yes. You're like, I'm like, I think it was a Thursday because we were getting our covid tests at nine thirty. OK, we're like, OK, Scott, hurry it up, man. What do you want? And then you're like, yeah, I don't know where my keys and my glasses are. So I went to your garage. I helped you try to look for it. Couldn't find it. But luckily, we were able to call somebody to come and get you. Yeah. So my sister. I never got to meet her, but she seems like a nice lady. And and I honestly don't know what happened because we left out of town for a few days and then we got back. We didn't say we just haven't seen you for a week. But I felt like maybe we should find out how he's doing. I survived it. I'm alive. Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good. I finally found my glasses like two weeks ago. Yeah. Those ones you were in right now. OK, they look good. Thank you. I mean, you look good, too, because I can see you. Yeah, I didn't realize how blind you were until that morning when you said, is that you, Francis? I'm like, who else lives here? I mean, I will say that I was rather confused that morning. It's not just that I couldn't see. I, I don't know. I mean, there was a lot more to it. Yes. Yeah. And what were you doing the night before? Anyway, I don't remember. As you are. And of course, it was a cop bar. So that's why I think I was drugged, because if I'm going to get drugged someplace, it's probably going to be a cop bar. Or some lady that just wants to take you home? No, no. I mean, I tried to take every woman home. I don't think that's how ladies work. Yeah, that's true. That's more of us guys, us assholes. And I'm pretty. Not me, personally. Of course. We are not advocating that any men drug anybody. Right. But I think it's safe to say that men do most of the drugging before. Yeah. Dragging people home. Exactly. And frankly, I hit on any girl in there that would talk to me. So that's a good way to get yourself in trouble with some cops. What bar? I can't remember. I think it's called, it's on Milwaukee. Pretty far northwest. Never even heard of it. Yeah, I'm not going back. I had a good time. Yeah. What dragged you to that place in the first place? My friend's brother. Oh. He's the type of guy that goes to that type of bar on midweek and stays way too late and pisses everyone off. That's correct. He left early because he had some drama in his own life and left without telling me. So I just stayed there and made drama at the bar too. At a cop bar. I didn't realize it was a cop bar at the time, I don't think. I made a friend that night. I still talk to a woman that I met that night. She's pretty cool. Yeah. You're really good at being personal, considering you told me that you were pretty much a quiet introvert before. Yeah. Thank you. I mean, I say thank you because we talk about that a lot on here, how much I've changed in recent months. That's a fact. What I'll say is when, you know, I've never been a risk taker and even just talking to somebody you don't know is a risk. They might not talk back. They might slap you. Who the fuck knows. Does it still give you a little anxiety to talk to strangers? None. The worst happened to me, man. What's going to scare me now? Nothing scares me now. I mean, you can be close with somebody for what? How many years were you with her? 18. So you think that's the one you can talk to without worrying? And you realize, no, might as well just talk to strangers, right? You know what the truth is? I can tell you that Scott's open ability to talk to strangers makes me far more anxious than it makes Scott. I don't understand what that means. I just worry that you might come off as creepy. I don't think that you do come off as creepy. There are times. Well, okay, I guess we had a difference in opinion. No, I'm kidding. There are certainly times when I come off as creepy and usually it's when I've had one more drink than I should have. And then I have two more drinks than I should have. And then Francis is worried I'm about to fall into Irving Park Road as we're leaving the bar. That's true. I'm like, he goes from like doing just fine to like, oh my God, he's a lightweight. But you pound him. You got to slow him down. I know. Look, I'm learning lessons that I learned at 19 years old. I'm learning those again. I mean, weren't you like a, I mean you went to like a four year college where like in the college town where all you guys did was drink. Yes. Yes. And then I spent 18 years not doing that. That's true. Trying to reclaim your youth. Oh, it's consider it reclaimed. Consider it reclaimed. And it's, it's, it's a dangerous thing when you were acting like a 19 year old with a 42 year old fake account. It is dangerous. Yeah. You know what? I wish I had the same money I did when I was 18. You know, it's like, oh man, do I go for the Bush lighter than Nanny light? What's on sale? Do I have a coupon? Yeah. Well today I say I'm going to buy shots for every single person in the bar. Well, I still have some physical responsibilities. I don't do that. You're on your own with that. I've got, I've got no responsibility. If you're going to do that, I better be at the bar as one of the people you're vying for. Well, what are you doing after this? I'm going to go back to being your neighbor. Okay. All right. Fine. Fine. Well, there's offers, offers on the table. So, okay. But when I was at your house the night that I showed up to tell you the fucked up, sorry, do you remember it at all? Cause you, I mean, she was giving you a lot of booze. Yeah, I remember. I remember. Okay. All right. Which she, my girlfriend. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And actually I do want to, I want to talk just really quickly. We're talking about your girlfriend right now. I want to bring up your origin story with your girlfriend. They just bought this house together. Memorial day weekend, May. Right. Francis, how long have you been with your girlfriend? February. Well, she's in January. Oh really? Yeah. So when are we? I guess it's like eight months now. Yeah. It wasn't eight when they bought the house. No. When we started house hunting, it was like March, April. And then, um, well I've known her for 15 years, I guess. Right. It's different, but I still think it's funny to start. When people ask how long you've been together, I'm like, a month. Own property? Right. It's like, uh, yeah, sure. That's what that was. Is that their normal transition? Yeah. Probably. Have you guys had sex yet? Uh, yeah, I think so. Okay. All right. No, no, we're saying celibate. I thought maybe you were taking it slow. Actually, a buddy of mine, he stayed celibate seven years and he was already in his thirties. He got divorced within a year. I mean, I, okay. Not to say I'm like, you what? But she was like a born again, like, you know, evangelical and like, like he didn't, I mean, he grew up Catholic. He didn't care much about religion in the first place. And so I guess she made him start reading the Bible. And so we decided to just buy it on DVD or not the CD. And I'm like, why would you do that? And he goes, look, who's reading it? I'm like, it was James Earl Jones. I'm like, I'd buy that. I'm going to look that up. See if I can find it on a LimeWire. LimeWire is still up. No, I gotta go to Napster. All right. Okay. All right. Well, um, yeah, if you find it, send it to me. I would rather I see, I, my goal is a Bible by like Gilbert Gottfried. Oh God. I mean, come on. That sounds awful. Awful good. I don't want to hear Leviticus by the Aflac guy. Have you seen any of the, uh, there's a guy who made, it was probably like 10 years ago. I don't know if he's still at it, but he made stop motion animation, um, storytelling with Legos, um, of all the fucked up stories in the Bible. So it was like the story where a lot's daughters get them drunk and then sleep with them. Uh, all done with Legos and stuff like that. We'll have to, we'll have to post that on the show notes. I was going to say right now. I need a lick. You got to send me the DVD on that. Francis, um, when we first met and, or not first met, well, I guess it was close to when we first met when I came over at the fucked up story. Um, player number two, the fiance texted me. Yes. Um, and asked me about you cause I said I wasn't my neighbors. And the text that he sent said, Oh, your wife likes to tell the story about how when she met Francis and found out that he has cancer, that she said to him, guess I won't need to get to know you now. Now here's the messed up part. Now I have a dark sense of humor, as you already know. Oh, I do. And I would have laughed if she'd literally told me that to my face. Yeah. I have ulcer, I have cancer. I assume you probably told it. And uh, she never said that. I would have, I would have laughed. She said it to everyone else. I would have been, you know, I would've been like, that's witty. You know, that's, that's daring. I mean, I'm the one with the character, but I would've been like, that's awesome. But the fact that she did not tell me kind of like does the total one 80 on my feelings for her. Yeah. You know, I mean, and everything she did to me, but yeah, she's, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Forget you. It's about me now. Let's not make it all about you, Scott. Yeah. You know, that too, those two seconds I saw her in my backyard and realized, wow, she's, she's a delight. Wearing purple and shooting daggers at you with her eyes. Not only was she wearing, it was like a purple sweater. It's July 4th. It's hot outside. And I was literally blowing up my inflatable pool. And she had two cats with her. Now if I didn't know Scott, and she was by herself, I would have been like, who's the creepy broad in my backyard? Now that you know Scott and her, she's the creepy broad in your backyard. I mean frankly, she's a lot creepier than I knew at that point. She's a light. Have you heard from her? I have not much. She must have found her next prey. She's got stuff still left in the house, right? And she'll come over for like four hours and somehow only pack one box to move? You should just give her an ultimatum. Like, hey look, I'm about to toss this, give it to AmVets. The only thing I'm going to say, and I've mentioned it to producer Dan more than once, is that I don't want to escalate things. She scares me. Well you got a couple neighbors that are... Clearly armed. True. I think the whole neighborhood is armed. If she poisons me, you can't shoot her. You can, but that's not going to stop me from already getting poisoned. I'm not advocating shooting anyone. I'm not advocating poisoning anyone. So I was in my freezer last night and noticed that my meatloaf was in the freezer. The meatloaf was the last thing she cooked for me. I didn't feel great after I ate it, so I texted a friend and I said, if I die, tell the police, to check the meatloaf in the freezer. And I was not kidding. I really want to run into her again. I'm surprised you ate the meatloaf. Were you that hungry? She makes a good meatloaf. The recipe is on my fridge. She wrote up the recipe and made me a meatloaf. I was just like, I'll take a risk, man. I'm a risk taker now. Didn't I say that already? The worst already happened to me. The worst hasn't happened to you if you get poisoned by eating meatloaf. I mean, it was still good. Is death the worst though? No. Oh God, no. Death is not the worst. I don't think so. No, but death by poisoning is not uncomfortable like 36 hours. It depends on the kind of poison, right? I mean, shoot me off a cliff, that's fine. But I think it's going to be pretty uncomfortable. The thing is that the reason I don't want to die by poison is because I've got higher hopes for my death. If people can't laugh about the way I die, then I've wasted my death. I agree with that. All right. All right. Fuck yeah. I want to go out with a bang. And by bang, I just want to die in my sleep. I don't want to deal with it. I'm going to laugh so hard. I better be hopped up on morphine or whatever they got me on a drip. Because I have a feeling that this cancer, when it finally takes me, it's not going to be the fun, you know, like death. You always hear about when a celebrity dies and stuff. Like when Norm and Alex Trebek, they were working until the day before. And I'm like, these guys are in pain. They must be hopped up on a ton of hydrocodone. Well, you haven't worked in how long? Six months. Okay. Yeah. But you haven't quit. Technically, I'm still on the staff. So are you still like insured and stuff through your employer? Yeah. I don't get a paycheck, but I still have benefits. You just haven't shown up? No. Well, their HR department is in shambles. So I don't think they remember who I am. And they're a fast growing company. So I'm lost in the woods somewhere. And I can tell you that I don't think they'll fire me because of my illness. Right. You know, I'm like, just do it. Can you talk to somebody? What? Can you talk to them? Can you just say, look, I know you're going to feel bad or you're afraid I'm going to sue your ass as they tell them, but just fucking do it. Just fire me. Yeah. I want to see how far this goes. Okay. So it's for the story. There's entertainment value here. Everything's for the story. And I am with you. I will take stories way too far just to see if I can. And I always talk to a different HR rep. Because they call me. I don't call them. I don't go out of my way to reach out. Right. Right. Right. So I talk to them in Tagalog and see what happens. No, no. Because they might actually have some, they might actually have someone that speaks that. Yeah. But once they know you're Filipino, they're going to be like, oh, let's get rid of this guy. Yeah. Well, everybody thinks I'm Mexican at work. Even my doctor, who was Filipino, thought I was Hispanic. Is he speaking to you in Spanish? He or she? He. Okay. It was my, what do you call those people that, you know, shove the camera up your butt? The colonoscopy. Gastroenterologist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he didn't know that I was Filipino. I have a very Filipino last name. You know, it's like a native last name. Not like the Spanish one. And he did not know. I mean, I looked at my chart and it said Hispanic. That's hilarious because, I mean, as we know, there's a lot of Hispanic names in the Philippines. But you have the fucking Filipino name. Yes. And maybe he'll go as far as he can just for a joke. Probably. It wasn't until my mom came for the third appointment, like when she just, you know, because I have to have a ride home and she decided to come with me. And he's like, oh, you're Filipino. I'm like, yeah, the whole time I was. What, because the Mexicans don't bring their moms? I don't know. Maybe not. I don't know. But no, I mean, because my, well, actually it's funny because my mom was Chinese because she's from that part of the island where it's closer to the South China Sea. And that guy, he had a Chinese last name. I didn't even know he was Filipino. But there's a lot of Chinese in the Philippines. So they got, they were talking to each other in Tagalog and I'm like, oh, I'll just stay here. Just put that thing down my thing off my butt. Oh, by the way, I don't know if you guys have ever been under conscious sedation, like for, I don't know, wisdom tooth or whatever. Propofol is the greatest drug to get sleep. Now you know why Michael Jackson took it all those years. I don't know what I had for my colonoscopy a number of years ago, but I know that it wore off in the middle and I woke up. Yeah. And you got excited. It was very uncomfortable. And then they put me right back to sleep. That's all I remember. The discomfort. Yeah. Was the discomfort physical or emotional? Oh, physical. I felt filled up and I just don't think I was prepared. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I was prepared. I was prepared. Yeah. I was prepared. Because I've, I've had, uh, what do you call, um, prostate exams in the past. I don't know why, but I get it more normally than, than everybody else, even before I was diagnosed, that was about three and a half years ago. But since I was 18, I don't know if that, because I'm a diabetic also, but I don't think having a doctor's two fingers up your pooper is a normally a diabetic thing. So whatever. I trust the science. I trust the doctors. Okay. I'm not even going to ask the questions I have. Go ahead. Ask them. Well, I, I, I really want to take this, um, in the direction of, of, of your cancer. Sure. Can you tell us what type of cancer you have? I have stage four colon cancer. Okay. And, and, and how was it diagnosed? So I ended up in the hospital cause, uh, I was having stomach pains and usually it was after eating Chinese food for some reason. So for like a year or two, every time I would eat Chinese food, I would have like really, what I would thought was what people referred to as heartburn. Okay. Cause I don't, I've never had heartburn before. So I'm assuming that's what it was. So one day it just didn't go away. Uh, one morning, cause it was always the night after. I mean the morning after I have my dinner. And so I, I drove myself to urgent care. Don't even know how I got there. I was so out of it. Um, and then they did an x-ray right away and then they're like, yeah, we're calling the ambulance. So they took me to a hospital and they said, there's something going on down there. We don't know what it is. So I did an overnight at the hospital. They wanted me to stay like three or four days. Did it just hurt like in your gut? Yeah. Okay. Like it was insanely painful, but it was gone by then. I mean, cause you know, that's, you know, it tends to go away. And then, um, so the doctor wanted to keep me, I'm like, no, no, I'll, I'll go see you. The gastroenterologist or how do you pronounce that? So I said, you know, he didn't believe me cause you know, most guys, you know, like, you know, duct tape and we're good. No, no. I'm the guy who goes to a doctor. Okay. Right. And it's funny cause like that was January of 2018. Okay. And how old were you? Uh, 42. No, just turning about to turn 42. Okay. And, but I go to my primary twice, twice a year. And she even said back in November of 2017, uh, something up with your blood levels, like red markers or something, red blood cells. I don't know. I just trust him. And I was actually supposed to go see her a week before I ended up in the hospital. Okay. So I mean a week after, so I think she would have caught it then. But um, I went to go get the colonoscopy and the endoscopy and they're like, yeah, you have, uh, you have a growth. And then, so I thought nothing serious. I'm like, okay, people get colon cancer all the time. Right. And um, had the surgery to have half of it removed. Okay. So did they know what stage it was at this point or is the surgery when they start figuring that out? No, they did not. It wasn't until I had like my PET scans and TCT scans that they said, oh, you have another lymph node underneath your collarbone. So that's just showing that it's spread. Sure. So I guess that makes the stage four. Okay. You know, when it metastasizes or something, I don't know. You know, I don't know the lingo. So, um, they, uh, and it also helps that my mother was an oncology nurse for 30 years. So when it came to doctor's appointments, I just dragged her with me, like, go ahead, talk, you know, talk your jargon. And I don't want to be one of those. I'm scared, you know, no. You know, like I remember like she's, so the doctor's telling my mom and all of the doctor jargon and whatnot. And I remember when my doctor said, blah, blah, blah, it's something very technical. And my mom squeezed my hand really hard. And then the first thing I, I already knew like, this is not good. I mean, it wasn't good anyway, but this has even gotten worse. And I'm like, and the first thing I said to my doctor was how long do I got? Which I think took her back, you know, cause like what 40 year old says that, you know, and she goes, I got two to three years, you know, maybe five at best and one at worst. I'm like, okay. Like I lived a pretty full life at the time. So I'm like, okay, whatever. But my mom's obviously the one who's more upset. And I'm thinking, well, geez, I'm going to blow all the money. So you blown it all yet? Oh, I did like a two years ago. I mean, you sold the condo now. Cause I know I haven't yet. Oh, you're, you're very close. Yeah. And if you need help, I'm just offering you can, I got ways that we can blow your money. Oh, okay. That's real decent. He is. Look, I am nothing but if not a friend. Yeah. I mean, I already know because I now live in a money pit of a house, you know, that sounds like the most fun way for you to blow your money. Yeah. Yeah. No water heater. There's no power in my garage. The air conditioning's out. How long has there been no power in your garage? About three weeks. Yeah. Yeah. You got a neighbor, man. You want to borrow an extension cord? That's how you get power back in your garage. We are, we are already impressed by extension cords today. By the way, have you guys heard of a thing called a suicide cord? No. No. Okay. Is this related to your, your cancer? I've heard of suicide pads. So apparently people do this with generators. Okay. So what you need to take like the male end of a cord and splice it with another male end of a cord, you know, so that you have basically two ends that are exposed. And then you connect to a generator directly into your house. Your house, all right. But I had no idea it had a name. I mean, obviously it's very uncooked, not, not to code. Yeah. Definitely not to code. It sounds like maybe it was named after the dangers that it presents. Okay. So, uh, but I just heard about it yesterday from my buddy who's fixed up my garage right now and he goes, yeah, I got one in my house. You know, my generator to my house. I'm like, oh boy, uh, I'm not coming over. There's safer ways to do that. I believe it's called a transfer switch. Okay. And I think the big part of what a transfer switch does is turn off the power to the grid before you, and then like plugs it into your generator. So you can't like have the grid power turned back on while your generator is plugged in. And I think that's the biggest danger. I don't know what happens, but clearly it's eminent death from the name of the code. Producer Dan's a pretty handy guy. On the podcast network, I think we're going to have a, this old house style podcast. I can tell them the tools here. I have a bunch of tools that I can make a total fucking mess with. And Francis, if you want to have a movie review podcast, we can do that. We have big plans. I'm only a little bit kidding though. Francis, Francis and my friend from the coffee shop are pretty big movie buffs and they continue to recommend things to me and there's a lot of overlap in what they recommend. Well, I think me and her have very similar tastes. For sure. You're both Asians though. I mean, all you need to do is the same. We love it. I'm not sure what you love, but recommending movies to me, I guess. I don't know what kind of Asian she is, but I am Filipino. She is Laotian. Is it Laotian? She says Laotian. So I guess she's close to my peeps. I don't know. Was she born or raised here? Yes. She's from Chicago. Like when I go to the Philippines. She's half Mexican, half Laotian. Oh, okay. When I go to the Philippines, let's just say I am so disconnected that I'm like, well, I'm an American when I'm here. Everybody has servants there. Even poor people have servants. Oh, wow. So my mom once said, you know, I had a really tough in college growing up. I went to school in the city because she's from a small town. So when she went to school in the city, she would talk about how hard it was. So she goes, yeah, I had to live with my two brothers in an apartment and also the maid. And I'm like, so as she keeps going, as if I did not hear the maid part. I'm like, did you just say you have a maid in college? She goes, yeah. I'm like, that's, that's not rough in it. You know, she goes, well, she had to do the laundry and, and laundry, you know, like laundromats in the 1960s or whatever. Well, one, they don't exist then. Everything was hand washed. And even to this day, because labor is still cheap in that country. And, but not only does she, this lady do the laundry, she cooked clean. I'm like, yeah, life sucks. It's terrible. I mean, it really is. She, she, it was a struggle. It sounds like a struggle. But I guess, you know, people have different struggles, you know, and that's why I would never discount someone else's struggles versus mine. You know, people are like, oh, you have cancer. I guess everything's beneath that. I'm like, no, if someone's having a mental health issue to me, that's to them as serious as this is to me, apparently, if not more. And one of the things that producer Dan and I like to say on the podcast is you can't compare traumas. Exactly. Trauma is trauma. And sometimes, you know, I look back at this pandemic and it's been a pretty bad pandemic for me. Yeah. Probably the worst one I've ever had. And it's definitely been my worst pandemic. Yeah, that's mine. Other than like the Spanish influenza, you know, a hundred years ago. But I felt a lot of guilt for a while about how isolated and depressed and sad I was when I look at all the things. I've got a job. The worst part that happened to me for my job is, oh, suddenly my office is a hundred feet from my bed. Oh, no. You know, I still manage to be late for it quite often. And I shower a lot less than I used to. Man, that is a fact. I would like to see what the water usage has dropped to since this pandemic has started in this town. Never even thought about that. And, you know, of course, I've got a I've got a corporate job. I've done well in my career. My 401k has gone up. My property values have gone through the roof. And it's like, what do I have to be sad about? But you're sad. Oh, at the time. I was. And but that shouldn't I mean, you shouldn't I mean, like you always hear about like, oh, it's like a, you know, like first world problem or white people problems or whatever. But everybody has their problems, no matter how unserious that may look to someone else. And don't get me wrong. There are some things that are very first world problems. Yeah, I'm trying to think of what they came up this week, like people complaining about the not someone I know moved to a small town and there's no like delivery in that town. So that one. Yeah, that's a yeah. Like in our neighborhood, we don't get cope up. Did you know that we don't get what go puff? You know, go for it. Even though a go puff is a go puff is like you can order like, like chips, ice cream. It's basically like 7-Eleven that will deliver. OK. Yes. OK. I think they get their products from 7-Eleven. Is it like a weekly delivery like they do with overwrites? No, like a I text or I like like door dash. Yeah. Yeah. I think. OK. Yeah. Well, they have their own delivery drivers and they they actually have like their own warehouse. It was right next door to to to the last brewery I was at. So is that dovetail? OK, where's that? Where's that one? North Center. That's right. Yeah. So like go puff would be there working like, OK, in the delivery drivers would come in and out all the time. Yeah. I lived in Logan. So they were there within like 10, 20 minutes. Yeah. And it was great. I think. I mean, I did a little research on this company and apparently to call it go puff because he's like deliver like cigarettes and hookah like in New York or somewhere. I was wondering where that makes sense. Yeah. I mean, I've heard of like Cocoa Puffs recently, but it was funny because when we were in we were in Denver a couple of weeks ago and because my girlfriend was doing the triathlon out there and, you know, the air were what? Five thousand feet in the air. Sure. And I had no idea that that would affect me that much. Same with her, especially if she's running a triathlon. Right. And all I kept thinking is I should quit smoking. So I went on a go puff. I'm like, oh, they delivered to the place where I was staying. OK. Yeah. I mean, I was like, I'm going to get two pots for vaping. Yes. They'll deliver. Right. But I guess they still sell. I mean, they still deliver that stuff. Yeah. Good. I'm glad. I'm happy for you. But yeah. So it's not our neighborhood. Yeah. So that's a first world problem for me. So that's a problem. Yeah. It's a problem. I'm upset about it. You know, and you're not a guy who upsets easily. You seem like maybe you are. Occasionally you want to fight people, but you seem like a pretty happy guy. I'm relatively. Yeah. I think that's another thing when it comes to like, you know, people who are, you know, like people who get sad about things. I think so, like, like even having cancer doesn't like didn't really change my mindset that much. You know, so I think it's like, you know, I get, you know, trauma is different for everybody. But it affects people differently and for better or for worse. But for me, it was like, OK, just something else I got to deal with. I think it's because my dad died early. He was 53, 54 years old. So how old were you? 24. OK. He died three days before my birthday. Oh, wow. So I got a lot of presents that day. Did you know he was dying? No, no. He died in a he had his fourth heart attack. Yeah. He croaked in the parking lot. It was a J.C. Penny outlet parking lot in the suburbs. I'm like, you couldn't be in a much fancier store, you know, I mean, but it's no because it's, you know, I'm a little I'm a little vain like that. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, the poor guy just, you know, he had like he had his first heart attack at 38 years old. OK, so I always figured I'd die from that. I have everything but that. But you're smoking plenty, so you'll get there. Oh, yeah. I think I got found out this morning I might have emphysema. But honestly, stage four cancer, like it really doesn't matter. Exactly. It's like, oh, screw it. Well, I did quit. Like whenever I got diagnosed, I was I was on my way to my first chemo treatment. And I haven't even been staged yet. And I'm like, you know what, I'm going to quit smoking. So I'm like literally driving, driving. I'm in the parking lot at the hospital and I'm literally still sucking down a Newport. And I just toss it out the window, you know, and I'm like, oh, that's my last one. And then I quit. I literally cold turkey for two years. Well, not cold turkey. I started vaping. OK, OK. You know, still better. It's a nice replacement, I think. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Who knows science. It's something. It's not here yet. I tossed it out the window and then I didn't have a cigarette for two years until Covid. Oh, wow. Yeah. I'm like, well, I'm just sitting at home. I got to work from home now. Right. Boo hoo. But light up a Newport. I've been I mean, it was it was like riding a bike. But the weird thing was going to a store and asking for a pack when you haven't done it in a couple like about two and a half years. It was just like, yeah, can I get a pack of an I had to think about what I'm ordering. I do every day and I'm like, how much are they now? Did you ask the cashier to be gentle with you to walk you through the process? Exactly. Can you walk me through buying a pack of cigarettes? I need some love here, Mr. Or Miss Cigarette Seller. Exactly. So. But yeah, so I basically I mean, I fell right back into it right away. OK. You know, and I understood the struggles people have with quitting smoking. Right. I don't know. You know what it was? I think being on chemotherapy was was that, you know, I mean, that's it's poison in your system. So it's trying to kill the cancer before it kills you. Yeah, basically. And so like so when it came to quitting the first time, it was easy. Right. Like I just like, yeah, I'm never going to buy cigarettes ever again. Right. So but I couldn't stop it. Do you smoke? No, not anymore. But I did for from like 15 to like twenty five, twenty six, something like that. And then I probably relapsed twice since then. But I don't think I've smoked for at least probably five years now. Yeah. But I'll probably. People knew me as always having a cigarette in my mouth. Not that much. I wasn't like. I mean, you know, I wasn't chained. Was it just for looks? Of course it was for looks. No, I mean, I mean, when you were 15, how old were you when you started? Actually, I didn't start until I was 17. Because you were a late start. Well, I wasn't. I used to dip. Oh, yeah. I was. I was double horseshoe skull and whatever. And then I'm like, oh, my mouth feels like crap. After a few years of that in high school, because I could do that like and spit into those glass Gatorade bottles. I don't know if you guys remember when you were a last. We're just a couple of years. But there's only there's a fine line, you know, like, I know. I think they got rid of the glass by the time, you know, you know, I was in the seventh grade. But I mean, there was like in study hall that glass Gatorade bottle must have been there for who knows how many years because it was just filled. Everybody shared the same glass. I think so. Like whoever had that desk that day. Those days you didn't care. I care right now, though. But it got to the point where I wouldn't even wouldn't even spit. I just swallowed. I was so used to it. So why'd you start? So a buddy of mine. So I went to a Catholic school. What do you say? Why are we talking dip or smoking or both? Sure. OK. Well, I did. I did. Well, everybody else on the football team. Oh, OK. Well, I thought it was a baseball thing, but no, it was football. It was different, though, because in baseball, you could do a wire playing and you got a mouthpiece. Oh, my God. If you're trying to do that during football, I mean, during double sessions. Oh, my God. And I remember the first time I dipped, it was laced with LSD. I did not know. And so all I know is that thing. Yeah. And I was tripping and getting my nicotine buzz in the middle of a library. So for the listeners, I literally had my hands over my mouth like this. This is fucked up. OK, so you didn't know. And you were how old? Fifteen? Yeah. I didn't even have my driver's license yet. And you're thinking that the next time you dip is going to be as good as this time. Yeah, basically. And actually, was it enjoyable? Was it scary? No, it was not. My first trip, I was in the bathroom. I was at the library. And I thought that the walls were caving in on me. Oh, yeah. And the toilet was trying to eat my butt or whatever. I don't know. In a good way or bad? Yeah. And I didn't even, after that, I didn't even do LSD. Like, I'm not a, you know, I don't trip or whatever. I think I did it once when I was in college. OK, you have never. Yeah, it's not, it's a waste of time. And... Strums? I don't know. I need to loosen it. OK. Yeah. Yeah. I know people would like to do that. My dad told me I'd really like it. But I've never. I've never done it because I think that I will love it. And I'm just not good at moderation. Oh, but he's microdosing all the time. Yeah. A buddy of mine, he's been like, he's sober for 13 years off everything. OK. Like, he quit drinking. He quit every other drug. And then, and then he started microdosing. I mean, he has to go on the dark web. But he started microdosing LSD. OK. And he says it's way more therapeutic for him. Now, I don't know what that means. Well, I mean, I've heard, I've heard great things and I've read about studies and we don't need to get into our microdosing podcast today. But I have read that with therapy, like microdosing can have effects that last for years. Right. For LSD? Or hallucinogens? You know, I can't remember if it was LSD or I know ketamine's a thing. Yeah. There's a lot of like illicit drugs or several illicit drugs that supposedly have like some amazing mental health benefits. Yeah. I heard that about ketamine. So my primary doctor, their office is a very big proponent of it. Oh, really? Yeah. So, because they talk about it all the time. They, so I mean, when I think ketamine, I think horse tranquilizer. Special K, is that what it goes by on the street? You mix it with blow and you got CK. You know what I mean? That's what they call it, Calvin Klein. I don't know all the lingo, but you can teach me later. Francis has been teaching me a lot of things. Namely... It's nice to have a good neighbor. The most he's been teaching me is how to do stuff. He's got Chinatown exists. Let's go. I don't understand how you've lived here for 18 years and never been to Chinatown. You hate the Chinese that much? I mean, everybody does, right? Even they hate themselves. I do not hate the Chinese. I appreciate Chinatown tremendously. I am just pissed about that. I would like to go to China one day. Peace and love. Peace and love. I also think Kung Fu Panda is a really good movie. I've never seen it. So I do want to get to some of our adventures, but I want to kind of rewind a little bit to that and ask you, like, what was it like telling people that you had been diagnosed with colon cancer? That's a hard one to answer because I didn't. What do you mean? I only really told my close friends. I have this one buddy who basically told... was basically my messenger. You know, like when I had to go to the hospital for my surgery. At the time we didn't know how serious it was. So I remember, like, I told my one cousin who I'm like, hey, just let you know. Like, it was a week before I had my first surgery. So you still don't know the stage? Yeah, I don't know the stage, but I know I have it. And my mom was actually diagnosed a couple of years prior. So I remember telling my cousin, hey, look, you know, my mom, you know, not only my mom said because she wasn't at this party, I am too. So I have to get surgery, but I don't want you to tell anyone until that day because I'm not a guy who takes sympathy well. You know, I'm like, OK, whatever. I have no sympathy for you. Thank you. Don't worry about it. But I don't want to be like, oh, like when I when I end up croaking from this, I'm like, I don't want people to be like, oh, you were the survivor and all this stuff. I'm like, no, I went to the doctor and it didn't work out. I had a friend that died of I think it was colon cancer. And he had it for over a decade. And this motherfucker was the most positive man I've ever known. I love him. You know, his name was Mark. I don't know if you know him, producer, dad. I think he did. I met him once. And man, what I tell people about it is I'm lucky to have known this motherfucker. I don't feel bad about it. I'm so lucky that I got to know him and anyone who didn't know this guy. I feel sorry for them. This motherfucker was positive and didn't complain. And I think that his outlook and much like yours might be the reason that he way outlasted what his prognosis and when he finally died, what he told his wife was a quote from the the hated Vince Lombardi. Winning is winning. You know, he said, he said, I didn't lose. I just ran out of time. Yeah. Lombardi did die at an early age of cancer. Well, I don't know what the quote was referencing other than the fact that my this man and you know, I'm thankful that I knew that he had cancer for the almost the entire. I mean, he had it for almost the entirety that I knew him, but I didn't know for probably a year. And I'm thankful that I knew early, though, in our friendship, because he's probably the only man in my life that I've told I loved. We'd get drunk a lot. He was older, but we'd get drunk and I'd always told me you love me. No, no, I have a voicemail. It's a fact. Oh, fuck off. I said you missed me. And I'm like, I got a text from the weird neighbor because I was horny. But, but, but a Jeff, I miss you. I know I was trying to be funny. I was trying to be funny. And I am. I mean, Dan, what three words to describe me? Funny motherfucker. Yes. Fair enough. OK, so so when you said you had people that would tell do you're speaking for you, was that kind of arranged like you did you say, hey, could you tell people or did they say to you, hey, do you do you want me to tell you people? How did how did that work? Let's just say when. You know, we're not the time to diagnose this. It depends on who it is. There are some people that I still don't know. You know, I do have a Facebook account and I don't go around talking about it. I never brought it up on online. It's just not I don't want this. I don't want this to define who I am. Right. You know, and I don't want to be one of those. Oh, he battled this and I'm like, I know war. And it's it's his life comes at you. You got it. Everybody has their own issues to deal with. This is just mine. That's the only difference. Yeah. Mine's a little more aggravating and it gets more media. You know, I mean, you know, we we have our own month cancer awareness. Mother, where are you? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I think I'm aware. Is there any colon cancer awareness? I don't know. Is there a ribbon for colon cancer? It's got to be a ribbon. Yeah. I remember my the guy who did my colon surgery. He actually had a pin of a colon with a smiley with googly eyes. I'm like, this is messed up. You're clearly making this up. No, I forgot. What is the pin? I was like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, politicians have flag pins. No, you had a pin of a colon, like the weird upside down U shape with googly eyes on it. Like, did that make you feel better or worse going in? I don't know. I was like, we went to a dentist and they got like a picture of a tooth, you know, like in the lobby. But you can see a tooth being kind of cute. Yeah. Yeah. Like a colon. Googly eye colon. Did you just ask him, like, so you like, you really like colon? Yeah. Well, no, this guy was a hustler. That's all I remember. Like, um, uh, so like, you know, he's a young doctor, right? Surgeon. And, you know, like doctors have medical, I mean, they got bills to pay, you know, they got their malpractice, they got their student loans. Right. So this guy, I mean, like I remember, uh, he's the hospital that he worked at, like, you know, to do normal surgeries was like booked for months. Right. Like, like, uh, he makes most of his money from bariatric treatment, you know, the lap band people for the, you know, for the obese or whatever. So that's where he gets his money. Cause I remember going to his office and then there was a lot of big people in there and, um, I had to fit in nicely. Yeah. I'm going to get his number. So he, you guys are nowhere near that. So, um, they, uh, so we were, um, so he's like, okay, do this buddy. I'm like, okay, you're going to go to Mercy hospital and you're just going to go to the emergency room. I'm like, what? He goes, yeah, just that you don't feel that. So I'm like, okay, all right. And then he, I literally got my surgery like at 11 o'clock at night and then middle of night and, and I'm thinking, is this how messed up the medical system is in the United States? Did he ask for like bags of money to pay for it? Or did he get some on call money, man? Do you know how much it costs me to get a plumber here on the weekend? Same shit dude. He probably does. Cause I went through the emergency room, same shit, pump plumber, colon cancer and plumbers. It's all poop coming out of a tube man. I got you lots in common. But I thought, I mean at that time I always knew that. I mean, well my mom was a nurse, but she was, she worked at the VA so it's free anyway. Right. I mean for the veterans, not free, nothing's free. But it's, so I, you know, I mean she never talked about billing or whatever and I still insurance for a living. So I kind of know that end of it, but on the provider end, I had no idea. They can just, you know, we're going to market as this, you know, like go to the emergency room and then who go to an emergency room already packed their bags. And then, you know, when you have colon surgery, you have to like take this tube prep and not have anything in your bowels. Right. Yeah. I was already prepared for that. Like, I mean, and if you... It doesn't sound like an emergency. Yeah. I mean, it's serious, but... I just be like, Oh, I got my tummy hurts. They're like, Oh, come on in. And they already, the doctor was there waiting. Well, all I know is if I had been the one to like stub my toe and go to the emergency room that night and a fucker like you had taken my spot, I wouldn't be very happy. Oh, you're abusing the system. As a former paramedic, I've got no patience for people that stub their toe and go into the emergency room. I've driven many of you sons of bitches. I've, I've, I've, man, I've had to always man and sometimes you just need some attention from a doctor. I do remember the paramedic that took me from urgent care to the hospital. You know, when I thought I, you know, when I was like, my son was hurting and the paramedic, uh, it was a Chicago one. And he's like, yeah. So, I mean, what's the first thing you ask when you have like stuff in your belly, you know, like they assume that your stuff then like, are you a heroin user, you know, or whatever, because, you know, that stuff causes, um, uh, constipation. Yeah, I'm like, no. They're like, yeah, because you're full of shit. And I'm like, what? He goes, yeah, you are literally full of shit. That's what they thought it was. By the way, it was a softball sized tumor. Yeah. So they're like, how have you been even moving your bowels this whole time? I'm like, you know, I'm showing off my muscles. I'm like, yeah, cause I'm good. And of course they were all like rabbit turds, you know, for like a year, but I had no idea what was going on down there. I have a high pain threshold apparently, which is not a good thing. I was about to high five you. No, no. Cause if I had a higher pain threshold, I mean, if I could feel pain more, I would have probably known about this a lot sooner. You know, it's kind of like cats. Yeah. Yeah. They hide all the pain. It sucks. Then they die. I mean, it's very similar. I did not know that about cats. Well, we'll talk later. That's on the cat podcast. Okay. We've got lots of podcasts. This is a podcast network. Let me know when you do a movie review. I'm serious. I am absolutely serious, though. We are, the goal here is a network and a lot of the things are going to be related to what we're doing. But if you want to do more, this motherfucker is a pretty good producer. I would love it. And I would love all for it. I want you to guys to be real assholes about it too. So we, I want you guys to be like, yeah, Francis, come on in and we're doing movie reviews. And then we come in and the only movies we're reviewing are like movies about people who die from cancer. Like don't fall in our stars. And I'd be like, come on guys. I mean, it sounds, I mean, comedic. It's like watching United 93 on and why you're on an airplane. I think it can be just as uncomfortable if all you do is make Scott watch movies that you think are good. I fucking hate movies. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not true. I've been enjoying my time watching movies. Just don't put a fucking Star Wars movie. You watch like three. Hey, producer Dan, show me your three Wiseman tattoo. I know that's great for, for radio, for all of our terrible listeners. Let me show you my fucking tattoo. I will describe this. Okay. Dan's putting out his arm. It's called the three Wiseman. It's true. I see Optimus prime. Is that a camel? So there's a camel on there. The second Wiseman I can't see what you're pointing at. It's Yoda riding a camel, riding a camel. I can't tell you a little tough to see, but that's Mr. Miyagi. Mr. Miyagi. Okay. For people who want to listen to a movie podcast, this guy takes some of his inspiration from. Maybe we'll just watch all movies inspired by the three Wiseman. Yes. So Star Wars, all the Transformers movies and original 1986 Transformers movie with Judd Nelson playing, what was he? Jazz or? Okay. Judd Nelson played jazz in that? Yeah. And is that the guy from breakfast club? Yeah. Orson Welles was in Orson Welles, Leonard Nimoy was in the 1986 Transformers. Hey, can we watch this? It's been a long time since I've seen that. Yeah. Let's bring your TV outside. Sure. We go right here in this terrible studio. Yeah. I forgot about that. Extreme alive. By the way, this is a cartoon that was meant for kids. The movie Bumblebee says the word shit. Well, back in that time, I think the threshold for swearing for kids movies was, I mean, Gremlins was for children and part of the plot is that the dad died in the fucking chimney. It's one of my favorite Christmas movies, but that's a little gory. Are we raising your kids to be a little scared of everything? That's the problem. My kids never seen Gremlins. I saw that once and it came out in what, 84, 85? I was going to say 85, 86. I would have been nine years old. Scare the crap out of them. I saw it in the theater. And I was younger. Apparently, my girlfriend works for Chicago Public Schools, right? And they were showing the, yeah, apparently. They showed, I think it was during the strike, right? So they were just showing movies to the kids. Apparently kids had to leave during Little Mermaid because they were scared of Ursula. And she had to apologize to the parents. And the parents were like, eh, you know, these kids nowadays. So what you're saying is that if the TV had been wheeled into their classrooms for them to watch the Challenger launch, these kids would be fucked. We were talking about this not that long ago, right? At the coffee shop. Because the guy we were having coffee with, what did he say, what, 30, 31? Yeah, I talked about the Challenger a lot. A surprising amount. For our generation, it was the Challenger. For the generation before us, it was watching Lee Harvey Oswald get shot. On live TV. And that was us. We're like, oh my gosh. Did that really? And when it did blow up, you know how you see the smoke kind of go this way and that? Did you know what was going on? No. Yeah, I didn't either. No. Yeah. I was seven. I wasn't even seven. I was nine. Like about to turn seven. I was going to turn seven that year. I remember seeing it. I think we watched it live at school. Yeah, most people did. Because there was a teacher on it. There was a teacher on it, and that's why it was such a big deal, right? Krista McAuliffe from New Hampshire. Rest in peace. So it blows up, and I remember coming home. You know, you were nine, I was probably six. Yeah, six, seven tops. And it blows up. I remember coming home and telling my mom it looked cool. Sorry to laugh. I mean, it did look cool. Like when you don't think about the eight people that blew up in that thing, too. Seven. Thank you. That's what NASA stands for. Need another seven astronauts. That was all the challenger jokes. I don't know that I've ever learned a challenger joke. Well, that's my first. Us nine-year-olds, we were way ahead of you six-year-olds. Yeah, that's still a reason why I remember how many people were on that. I do want to get back to you, Francis. Okay, cancer. Diabetes. Possibly emphysema from when I heard on my CT scan this morning. And you're short, too. Well, I'm Filipino. What's your excuse? I'm Mexican. I'm 5'6 and taller than this motherfucker. Just for you listeners, you need to know this. This is the first guest I've been taller than. Really? Well, we've only had one other guy. And he was way taller than both of us. Yeah. You know, it's funny because people always wonder, like, you know, I'm a guy who's a little bit of a sissy, but I'm not a big fan of being tall. I've actually never had anyone say that. My buddy works at the bar. He's 6'5. And I don't think of it when I'm hanging out with him, when we're together. But then I realized... But then he kissed you and you've got to get on your toes. And he really... My face goes straight into his shoulder. I mean, he's way taller than me. But the fact that he is that tall... I actually dated a girl that was 5'11 back in the day. And it didn't bother me whatsoever. No, it doesn't bother me. Do you have anything to share? Yeah, sure. Well done. And, I don't know. I don't have any issues with height. You do have a sordid history of women with different problems, but height is not one of it, it sounds like. No, no. That was not one of them. You've had some interesting ex-girlfriends. Yes. But we won't go into that. This isn't the time for it. So you've been diagnosed... Almost four years now. You're not telling everyone. You've got people who might share that information. I'm not like, God, please don't tell anybody. I'm not one of those. I'm not telling anybody. I just don't want to talk about it. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I don't mind talking. If you ask me about it, I'm an open book. But I'm not going to go out of my way to tell you. I met you recently. I had no idea. It's not like you led with that. It's not like that was part of your normal conversation. Hi, I'm Francis. I have cancer. No, you're a Scots neighbor. We had a nice time sitting next to each other. I gave you some fireworks and we fucking went home. They're in my garage. I did take those and put them in his garage. I don't even have them in my garage. I can't wait for my garage to go on fire. But you did tell me the first time we met that you had cancer. You got brought up. I forget why. Because you had been to the hospital that day or the day before. You had a bracelet on still. It was the heart thing. Oh, yeah. I guess I do want to ask, you said you don't feel like it has changed you or defined you. I'm not sure if I'm putting words in your mouth, but I think that's the way I heard you say it. I know things define you to other people that you kind of don't want. I mean, you know, like, oh, he's a short little guy, you know, who has cancer. I'm like, fine. I don't mind being short or having cancer, but I just don't want it to be like, that's all who I am. Well, and I'm not trying to steal part of this conversation and make it about me, but I feel that way very much right now. Is one of the things I think feel and the reason I'm telling my story to everyone who will fucking listen and putting it out into the airwaves, putting it into the tubes, smash the like button, like subscribe, like share, subscribe. Is because people are going to talk. Yeah, I can't control this. I've told everybody about you. I know. I know. And I want you to. I do. Yeah, I want for a lot of reasons. And some of those reasons are that I've had a surprising amount of people who counter with similar stories. Yeah, it is fucking crazy. I would have thought that I'm the only one. I would have thought that the lifetime story that is already out there and me are the only two times this. You are not. I'm not. I got a question for you. Yes. Now, because this is kind of your entry into being more loquacious with the outside population, I guess. Wait, wait, wait, wait, loquacious. I have a vocabulary that's pretty good, but I didn't know that one. Oh, well, you talk about your story, which is great. But do you want it to be? I mean, do you want that to be who you're known as? No. See, that's what I'm trying to say. I don't mind telling my story. I just don't want it to be the only story. Right. You know, like it's an army. I mean, I mean, it's an icebreaker for me. Yeah, that's a good thing. It is an icebreaker. It's really just the only way that Scott can figure out to say that he's single to people without coming right out and saying it. Hey ladies, check this out. What do you think about a guy whose wife has been single for 15 years? I'm single. I'm wounded and I have a little bit of money in the bank. You described that in the wrong order. When you say, how does it feel to be abused by your wife? You know, like, you know, tell other people about that. But imagine if that was like, if a woman saying I've been abused by my husband for 15 years, it's more, we laugh about it on our end. That's like, I mean, I don't know if it's a double standard. It's a double standard. It's really fucked up. And it's a fucked up conclusion that I had to come to. Do you know how hard it is to realize it and then to say it to someone? I've been abused. I mean, let that hang in the air for a second. Because you don't think about it. I mean, like as men, we're, I mean, I'm advocating, you know, domestic violence, but we tend to be the abuser. Please, please don't advocate domestic violence. So, and well, I also think that like when a woman says that I've been abused, like you're the image is like, you know, getting physically abused and pushed around. You know, there's all kinds of abuse and psychological is certainly one of them. But that's like the image that comes to mind. Hey, Dan, can I ask you a question? You've known me for a pretty long time. For a long time, as you just said, I haven't had tons of friends or talked to a lot of people or been very open. But Dan and I met probably 2009 or 10 or eight or something around that time. I don't know. And Dan was pretty drunk the night I met him. Scott maybe met me on one of my very absolute drunkest nights. Well, Francis got to know me very early on and some of my absolute drunkest nights. He was so drunk, he didn't know who I was or what day it was or what time it was or if it was a.m. or p.m. And I'm just gonna ask this question and I know there's not, I know the right answer to this question that you can never tell, but am I the image of what you would think of as an abused husband? You are not the image of what I would think of as an abused husband. No. Dan, as someone who just met you recently, I, well, what does an abused husband look like? And that's really, I mean, that's the real answer is that it takes all kinds and all forms and there is no answer. It can happen to fucking anybody. And it's hard. It's hard to come to that realization and it's hard to tell people. But I feel like I have to. Yeah, I get that. And you know, I want to tell my story. I want people to know and I don't want it to define me. What I want to define me is just how fucking good I'm doing. That's great. How good you're doing with that situation and everything else. Yeah. And I have friends who I don't see in person and our relationships are more via text and I think those people don't believe that I'm doing as good as I say I am. But when you see me in person, you know, I have bad times and I don't, you don't see them. I might, I might talk about them, especially on the terrible podcast. I, not to interrupt, sorry. I actually asked my girlfriend, okay, do you think Scott's okay? And she said, I mean, you know her, you talk to her just as much as you talk to me. And she said, I think he's okay. And he might be lost. Because we don't know like where your head is at. Because you know, we can't, we don't live in your brain. You seem okay on the out, you know, like on the outside. But I mean, we don't know if you're lost. But then again, I've talked to you long enough to know, like, I think he's got a direction he's going. Which for better or for worse, we don't know if it's positive or negative. I don't either, but does it matter? You know, I've gotten more direction than I had when I was married. Which is, that's sad. I mean, because when you, when you're married, you cut your direction is to, you know, have your relationship grow and grow together. And I mean, I guess the best thing that ever happened to you was just find out that this guy, this woman has two other dudes in their life. I mean, I knew things weren't great, but to find out that it was so fucked up, just allowed me to rip the bandaid off. There's no doubt on my end. There's no like, what could or should I have done? And I appreciate that assessment, Francis. Thank you. I agree with it. I am learning a lot right now. And I told Dan that I didn't know what I was willing to talk about in front of you, my neighbor. But I will say, so I had a fun week. I had a weird week. I had a heavy week. I have a lot of people who've relied on me and leaned on me for some really serious stuff. Also met a girl that asked me out by saying, I'm going to get high at a dog park. So guess what I did that night? You can borrow my dog if you ever want to go. I mean, he misses the dog. I didn't have need my own dog. This time I'm going to take my lantern of fucking speaker and I'm going to be blasting tunes in the dog park while we're at night. And she told me that, you know, she put up boundaries. She's like, you know, I'm looking for a relationship. And she's like, are you open to that? I'm like, I'm open to things. I don't know that that's what I'm looking for. Things could develop. I'm willing to find out. But right now I think that I'm really kind of exploring myself, figuring out me and figuring out my direction. As you kind of said. And so we go out and we have a really nice time. And she is still boundary setting and sends me home, which I was okay with. And I mean, I think everybody's got to put up walls. You know, I mean, some people are just an open book, you know, and if even if they are we keep take it slow. I mean, how many times you met this? That was the first time. Oh, then that's a fair. Well, without a doubt. And so we met again. She's like, take it slow. And I'm like, OK, so let's let's let's wait at least a week. She's like, how about Thursday? And she sends me text waiting till Thursday for the second date for the second day. So so so Thursdays in the past at this point, we had the second date. And she sends me text beforehands that make beforehand that make me realize that the boundaries are a little flexible right now. And we meet up at a bar and like pretty immediately the conversation turns to whether or not she's going home with me. I mean, she took it that way. And I mean, I'm pretty open with her and just say, look, what what age range is she in? Give me like a five year range. Mid 30s. OK. God, dating in adulthood sounds so much easier. Yeah. Oh, my God. And dating when I can get text messages that are dirty is pretty cool. And I'm also old enough that I'm not going to send like really, really bad text messages, but I fucking thank God that I've got them now, but didn't have them at 18 years old. Right. Right. I don't know. I think I think do you think dating world would have been easier for us if all the technology was there like it is now? I mean, we were in that age. I have no idea. I think it feels like it's easier and harder. Yeah, I guess there's pros and cons. Yeah. It feels like you get dumped by a text. You know, I mean, it used to be that you had to be face to face on the phone or on the phone or just never had a date. You never hear from him again. Yeah. Yeah. Ghosting has always been around. Yeah. So for a note from a friend passed in the hallway, you know, up into a triangle. So I don't like, you know, man, I remember the day I got dumped in high school, but I you know, the conversation turned to sex pretty early in this date. And she said that pretty sure I'm going home with you. And I said, go to your backyard. I saw one night. Did she have a shirt on? I don't know. I realized Scott, you're aggressive with there's more than a woman. But you're not a shy guy with the women. No, I'm not. I'm not. And probably I stalk you. I have nothing going on in my life. You know, I want to find out what the neighbors doing. So it turns the talk turns that are coming on very quickly. And I said, I mean, you know, I told her, I was like, I'm in a weird spot. OK, I don't know what I want. You told me that you are interested in finding a relationship. And I was like, and you said, take it slow. And this doesn't feel slow. But I also don't know where sex fits into taking it slow. Yeah, because the taking it slow to me is very much an emotional side. I was about to say, I mean, I think we're at that age where sex is. I mean, I think it's not like it was when you were a kid. Right. It's not like a sacred thing. Yeah. But like, it's an enjoyable thing. And almost like a like a human right. Right. Yes. Not not not not that you can go take it because it's your right. But everybody needs it and everybody can agree. It's a biological need. Yeah. And thank you. You can't always just treat it as something that's like super special. And that can be. But it's not the end game like it was when you were. Oh, totally. Totally. Right. So so I told her if I said if this is escalating this relationship and if this is not your definition of taking it slow, then I'm going to have to say no. And I was honest. I don't I feel I'm in a weird spot. I haven't dated in a long time and I very much feel like I have a responsibility. I can't just say, hey, this is all on you to control your feelings and manage everything. You know, it's something that I've got to be an active partner in. Yeah. And she was like, yeah, OK, now we can do this. Good. So we were at the bar for maybe an hour and then went back to my house and you probably did see her in my backyard. There's been a couple lately. That's that isn't the brag that that is me just saying, yeah, I may be her or it might have been a brag. I don't care. I'll come over later. But so we went back and this was the part that I didn't know if I was going to talk about, especially in front of my neighbor. This is hard for me. I've got a lot of baggage right now that I don't I hide. And you saying that you're asking Jen if I'm OK. I'm like 80 percent OK. Yeah. I know it's over 100 percent. Right. Especially after what you've been through lately. Yeah. Like no one expects you to be that 20 percent is hard, man. Oh, yeah. But OK is OK. OK. OK. It's not great. OK. It's not perfect. OK. It's like he's moving in the right direction. I'm 70 percent great. I sometimes feel, though, that 100 percent OK is actually worse than 50 percent. 100 percent OK is a fucking lie. Exactly. Yeah. You know, like I'm 100 percent. I'm like, you know, it's like there's some underlying issue. Everybody has. Yeah. Like what's the dark side to Ned Flanders? Yeah. Because it's there. Yeah. And like you guys watch Ted Lasso. I was just thinking that exactly. OK. Well, you told me to spend the five bucks a month on Apple TV or whatever. Yeah. And I have not yet. So I'll get there. Well, you know, Ted Lasso, played by Jason Sudeikis, is the typical like always chipper, always witty, has a joke. But he's got underlying issues, you know. And you don't shy away from that in the show. Yeah. That's what makes that show great. Yeah. Absolutely. So. So we went back to my house and. You know, I was extremely honest and kind of vulnerable with her and just said that I do need somebody to kind of understand where I'm at. And this is this is this is. I don't know. I don't know if this is a milestone, but. I can't just go jump into bed like maybe I would have 20 years ago. Yeah. I need somebody to understand that this is something that's kind of big. And you know, she was the only word I can come up with is compassionate. Like it's kind of humbling to have a conversation and not just jump into bed with someone. And she was very understanding and willing to take things slow. And then taught me a lot. And holy shit, like I feel like some of the things I told her, I was like, oh, wow. And I feel like she's like, oh, dear, this is nothing. And it's awakened some things that I don't know, didn't know were were waiting to be awakened. But it was just kind of an amazing connection. And again, I don't know what this is going to turn in with someone turn into with someone. But I was just thankful that this is the woman who was coming home with me in that type of situation. And, you know, it might have been different if I had just brought her home from a bar and then it might have been easier just to kind of hop into bed and never see her again because that's happened to me. And that hasn't been so momentous for me. I mean, it has been, but in different ways. But there were feelings that I wasn't ready for and didn't expect. And to have someone handle me so delicately and it really kind of it was an experience that I it would have been hard with someone else. Good. So you found it. Yeah. So you found the right gal at the right time. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you'll probably never see again. She wants to cook for me this weekend. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if it's today or tomorrow. So how did you bring up your coming on the podcast? Yeah. She's been through some shit. So she very well might be awesome. But Francis, I heard you just ask me a question, but we're running out of time here. And I kind of want to ask you a question or two before we leave, because this is really about all of us and the traumas, the collective traumas that we have, the experiences we have and you were diagnosed with cancer. And you said, did I hear you right, that you feel like that this hasn't really changed who you are? Oh, it's completely changed who I am. I just don't want it to define me. Even my relationship with my girlfriend. I mean, yes, I've known her for 15 years, but like I've gotten to the point where I'm not looking out for me. I mean, yes, I'm sick, but I told her flat out, look, this is not this might not end well. Do you really want to get into this? Yeah, I remember you asked her to her face. I'm like, I will have I mean, I'm known for 15 years, so I have no judgment on what she decides because I think it was in the middle of night and it was before I had to go back on chemo. And that's my stomach was just in pain. Anytime I ate, anytime I breathe, whatever. And I woke up in the middle of night, 2.30 in the morning and just stood up there. I would find myself like literally sleeping, like sitting up in the back. And I told her, like, this is probably something you're going to have to deal with for the rest. I mean, if you want this to go on, this is something you have to deal with. And I will have no judgment if you decide to walk out the door right now. And she actually didn't give me an answer right away, which is great. She hesitated. She didn't give it to me till the morning. She goes, look, I don't want to. I didn't want to look like the hesitation means I don't care. I just want to think about it. Because honestly, if she told me right away, I want to be with you for the rest of my life, I would have taken that pretty much like, you know, she doesn't really mean it. No, man, she really contemplated it. She really thought about it and came back with her answer. And then we bought a house. And you've told me this more than once. Yeah, I know. And she's even told me the story. And, but, you know, like if I didn't have this, that wouldn't have been what I would have said. You know, I would have been like, you know, I wouldn't have brought it up, you know, obviously, because I'm not sick. But it's like, it's like, yes. So I mean, yes. Do I not want to buy me? Yes. But it's going to, you know, like, I probably have a limited life expectancy. And your wife was your wife was right. And I've only met her the one time. So she ain't wrong. There's a different reason. She's not worth getting to know. Trust me, I got to know her. You know, actually, I didn't get to know her. Maybe she is worth getting to know. She's a nice woman. She's a nice, like a handsome gal. I don't know. She's sweet. You know, I'm not going to. So I've known you a short time. And in this short time, I do feel like you've been very, very positive influence on my life. And I do have to ask Dan, producer Dan and I have talked a lot about how I've done nothing. You know, the Chinatown thing. I'd never been to Jim's original or what was the other one? I don't remember. But you guys go to Maxwell Street. No, Jim's has better Polish than Maxwell Street. I think much better. And we got the pork chop, the pork chop sandwich. It's pretty good. And you've got me doing stuff. And I just wonder, like, have you always been that guy or are you more of a, hey, I've got limited time here. I should just fucking get up and do things. Oh, no, I was always been that guy. OK. You know, I mean, it was always like I remember back in the day, like we would have adventure Wednesdays and it was my adventure. We have adventure, Wendy. We could. OK, if we don't, I'm going to be angry. OK, that's going to have to be a podcast. I know Tuesday if I don't have treatment. So like if I don't have to do it anymore, like if I just go back on the pill, I sound like I'm trying to like, are you trying to seduce me? Adventure Wednesdays and back on the pill. No, I mean, me and a group of, you know, a couple of guys and girls, whatever you like. What do you want to do on Wednesday? Like, oh, you know, we wouldn't go far. We'd like just find some crap hole restaurant that, you know, or whatever or do something stupid like, oh, let's go like go to the zoo at three in the morning and talk to camels. I don't know. It was just something to do. I think we just found the episode. Yeah. If I may, I got one. I got one more question that. So you've had a diagnosis for one, five years, three, a little over three now. OK. And you probably have come to terms with you've got a limited amount of time. Yeah. Like which would you want us to know? What's the thing to learn from that? What do you what's different now for you? Well, other than like when I'm on treatment, I'm sleeping 20 hours a day. OK. You know, I was just like, I'm really tired. Yeah. And but my personality is pretty much me. So like nothing's changed there. Well, what do I want other people to know? That's a tough question. Like, I don't want to know anything depends on like who's the audience. Are we talking about like, you know, the friends and family I've had forever or even you guys who I've known a very short period of time, but I feel very comfortable around and you two seem like pretty stand up dudes. But but it's, you know, I just want you guys to know, like, OK, let's say the two of you. I mean, Scott, you now know me and what you see is what you get. Honestly, I'm not. Not much different. Outside, I like I don't want to be a fake like, you know, when you were young, you try to give yourself a persona. Right. You know, like maybe I'll look cool in front of these people. Yeah, that's why I started smoking. Yeah, exactly. I was just like, hey, look at me. I do nothing in the sky. Yeah. To nobody. These jeans are tight, but I don't even like jeans. I want to walk around in pajamas. I look awesome in my hoodie, but it always gets wet in the winter. But I'm still just going to wear a hoodie. So I mean, I mean, you know, I mean, I think we're all in our 40s here, right? Yeah. So I think we're all very kind of comfortable in our own skin already. I mean, we don't have a choice. We've been in this a long time. Thank God. You know, I mean, I don't know that that's true for me right now. I'm learning so much about who I thought I or about who I am versus who I thought I was. So I do feel comfortable going through this, but I'm probably behind you guys right now. That's fair. You know, the way you made it sound, Scott, was that when like you sounded like a curmudgeon based on what you said about yourself. Yeah, I think that's an accurate, accurate description. You know, I'm a delightful curmudgeon. I still enjoy it. Scott, I've been rambunctious and fun and energetic and loud with people I was very comfortable with. But I judge the fuck out of things. I didn't like most of those things were getting off my couch or talking to me. So what producer Dan early in our friendship, I told him that I'm going to say no more times than I'm going to say yes when you invite me out. And by more times than I say yes, I mean like 98 percent of the time I'm going to tell you no. And I think that's one of the reasons we've been friends is that I was open about that. And he understands and didn't take it personally and continued to to invite me out. And also, you know, Dan is a people person. I get I tend to get along a lot better with people who are do have a lot of friends because they don't rely on me to be the guy to come when they invite me out because I ain't going to do it. But that's changing and that's changing. And you just said something that I really liked about, you know, people's perceptions of you. And, you know, I have a lot right now, a lot of what do people think of me and and. You know, you said what you see is what you get. And I want people to believe that about me. And I don't think that I think it's too soon for people to realize that a lot of what I'm doing is genuine. Some of it, it might be a midlife crisis. Some of it might be a reaction to trauma. But I put it on a front right now. I'm being me and who I am at this very moment. And it feels pretty fucking good. I know it sounds like a weird time to meet you, you know, like, especially what's going on in the home. But I think it's the best time to meet you. You know, yeah, if you'd moved in when the last neighbors did, we would not have interacted and become what I would like to think is quick friends like we have. Yeah, I mean, I'm very personable, but, you know, I do enjoy meeting. I did enjoy our meeting with you. And I actually do care about you. I know that sounds weird about a guy I just met a few months ago, but it does. I'm watching your journey. And I told you that I love it. I'm glad I can be some of your entertainment. So we're out of time. It really has been a bit of an honor. I don't know any other way to say it for you to be open and talk to us and give us your story because Sherman, not everyone is willing to do this. And I think the more we talk, the more we become community and the more we become friends. So thank you. Thank you very much. I think this is a good one. And I can't wait for our terrible listeners to hear it. So this has been absolutely positively terrible. Thanks, guys. Thank you. I'm not too dark to confess that I confessed I was nervous and stressed because I thought it would be just been a joke and it wasn't. I'm just glad to have your company We got Royal SSS, Royal SSS, now we got Royal SSS Now we got Adolf Blue, I am so lucky I found you And now I'm loving life to the full, whenever I want To find the words that I should say, because I learned to say That which faith I offer you is free You can call me nothing, keep it your might Just like I just changed your mind, you did Now buddy, I got you in my life, alright If it's tough, I'm free I'm just glad to have your company I'll get you back and kind of confess, if I confess I was nervous and stressed, because I thought you were the best I was right